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Magic: the Gathering of Groceries

Last Wednesday I stopped at the HEB in Bee Caves for ingredients for the stuffed Anaheims that I had Elise make. I made a mad dash through the store because I needed to get home so I could have enough daylight to work on the deck.

I found a check out line with a short wait. I put my groceries on the conveyor belt and was soon greeted by a friendly young chap who, if I had to guess, was 17-years-old.

“Good afternoon, sir. How are you today?”

“I’m fantastic, how are you?”

“I’m okay, except that I just got to work and I have to work the late shift.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m just heading home from the office and have to get out in this blistering heat and build a deck”

“Did you just say you have to ‘build a deck’?”

“Yes. Build a deck.”

“Wow. Do you play Magic: the Gathering?!?!?”

(Magic: the Gathering is the contemporary Dungeons & Dragons)

(I know nothing about either of these things)

I grinned and said, “No, I don’t play Magic: the Gathering.”

“Oh. Because you said ‘build a deck’ and I thought maybe you played Magic: the Gathering.”

“No. I’m building an outside deck. Out of wood. With tools.”

“Oh. That’s cool. I like to play Magic: the Gathering. In fact, me and my friends were just playing Magic: the Gathering over at my house. We really like to play.”

“Sounds like you chums have a smashing good time.”

“Yeah, we really like playing. I was in a really good mood when I got to work because we had a really good game earlier. Then my manager walked by me and then I wasn’t in such a good mood anymore.”

“Ahhh.”

“So what do you do?”

“?”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I manage a small business out in Marble Falls.”

“What does your company do?”

[Inner monologue: It’s a criminal organization that bashes teenage boys who play Magic: the Gathering]

“We sell a nutritional and wellness product line to pharmacies”

“Oh. That sounds cool. Here’s your receipt. Have a great day, sir.”

“Thanks.”

I walked outside, grinned again and loaded my groceries into my unicorn-driven warlock wagon and headed south to my cottage in the village of Kamigawa.

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Father\’s Day weekend 2005

Mom, Dad and Keith came up to Austin again this past weekend so we could go to Clay’s high school graduation party.

It was good that they were here again seeing how there was still work to be done on the deck and the extra helping hands are always welcome.

Dad Keith and I built the steps on Friday night and the railings on Saturday. Sunday morning Keith and I tacked on the balusters.

After the railing work was done on Saturday, I cleaned up and ran over to Best Buy to find a gift for Clay and to pick up a new Netgear Super G 108 Mbps wireless router because I thought my old 54 Mbps router was broken. Come to find out that it wasn’t but after hooking up the 108 I knew I couldn’t go back to the 54.

We drove over to Kathy’s house for Clay’s party later that evening. It was good to see Don, Linda, Sharron and Kathy again. It’s been too long since last seeing those guys. Clay recently decided to do the vegetarian thing so Kathy ordered in some great food from Mother’s Cafe. The Artichoke Enchiladas and Capellini Marinara were excellent as was all of the food that the family prepared.

We at Kathy’s until 9 or so and then piled into the car and drove home. We migrated to the deck and stayed up for another hour or so before everyone eventually went to bed.

I got up early on Sunday and picked up my balusters from the ol’ HoPot. I know a lot of the HoPot employees by name now. Seriously.

After Keith and I put the balusters up, Dad and I drove to HEB to get fixins for dinner. Mom and Elise went to the nursery so Mom could steal seed pods from flowers and to buy Fredericksburg peaches from the vendor at the corner of Slaughter and FM 1826.

Dad and I got home and I started on a spicy orange and ginger barbecue sauce. I also made a poblano potato salad and a dry rub for the baby back ribs. I started smoking the ribs at 4:30. I should have started them at 3. Regardless, the ribs turned out fantastic and my wife made it a point, twice, to mention that Dad’s ribs are better than mine. And they are. And the comment quickly became water under the bridge. After all, it was Father’s Day and I think Elise is bitter because I fired her. Mom made a great cobbler from the fresh Fredericksburg peaches. I’m not a dessert person but I can never resist Mom’s cobbler.

Dad and I spent a good part of the afternoon talking out on the deck. It was a perfect Father’s Day. He told me about a time that is referred to as “early last century”. He and his buddy’s grew up in Hallettsville where everybody knew everybody and the high school boys would race their Model A Fords against the town’s sheriff all in good fun.

Back then you could buy a used Model A for $25. Yes, $25!! I have a 4-cylinder truck that takes $25 worth of gas to fill up!

They used to hunt rabbits in their Model A. They took the the hood panels off of the car and two boys would straddle the front headlights, hang on the the hood’s center support bar with one hand and a rifle with the other hand. The driver would drive around the pasture to scare up rabbits. When one started running, the car chased after the rabbit and the shooters would let go of the support bar, tighten their thighs around the headlight and take aim. After you shot a rabbit, you let someone else take a turn. Dad said there would be six or eight boys piled into the car and standing on the back bumper waiting for their turn.

He told me that there was a poor Mexican family that they all knew. Two of the boys from that family worked at the ice house. After a day of hunting rabbits, my Dad and his friends would drive over to the ice house and stack a huge pile of rabbits for the boys to take back to their family.

It was really cool to hear my Dad tell me those stories and I had a lot of fun being with my family. Seeing how he’s my Dad, I couldn’t help but ask if I could borrow $25 so I could buy a car.

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Tech support for a sweet older lady

My boss needed some form of backup redundancy for his pharmacy’s accounting data. Last month I drove over to his book keeper’s house in NE Austin. Her name is Polly and she’s a really sweet 80-year young lady who could easily beat my wife in a conversation competition. I installed a CD burner in Polly’s PC tower, installed software, instructed her on how to backup the financial data and left her with 50 recordable CDs.

Then we talked for an hour or so.

Yesterday, exactly a month later, my phone rings. It was Polly. She remembered how to open the CD burning software, but that was all she remembered. I was on the phone with her for 20 minutes trying to explain to her that it was possible to have two windows open and visable on her desktop. She couldn’t get it. I left work and drove all the way to Polly’s house so I could show her how to burn a CD again. That training session took ten minutes. She practiced on her own three times while I was there.

Then we talked for over two hours. Polly was widowed almost two years ago. She has lived an exciting life here in Texas and has traveling to some exciting places. She loves Spurs basketball, has an admitted addiction to chocolate and doesn’t like beer. She received Draught House Pub beer tickets and two Alamo Draft House movie passes in a gift bag from her dentist. She gave me the beer tickets and movie passes. She said that was my payment for making a house call. I told her she didn’t have to pay me; that I talking to her was payment enough. She also made me drink a Coke. I usually don’t drink Cokes but it was one of those obligatory things you find yourself having to do every once in a while.

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Decks, dining and firing Elise

Every night after work and every morning before work this week I’ve been working on the deck. The actual decking is done. Now I’m to build the steps from the first level to the lower level. Then I’m going to build the railings. I think it turned out nicely.

Decking finished

Since I’ve been working on the deck, I haven’t had the time or inclination to cook or peice together meals. In fact, the other night Elise and I shared a can of pizza-flavored Lay’s potato chips for dinner because we were so exhausted from the weekend’s labor.

So I’ve been eating out for lunch more than usual lately. I mention this because Marble Falls has some great restaurants. I try to support the local guy whenever I can and enjoy finding little dining gems. I’ve eaten at the Jamin House Cafe quite a few times and must recommend the Blackened Burger. It’s a jerk-seasoned blackened hamburger that is so thick and juicy that you have to prop your elbows on the table just to hold it up to your mouth. It’s served with a jerk-seasoned mayo and grill onions nestled between two sweet buns. It really is an awesome burger.

The only barbecue I’ve had in Marble Falls is at Peete Mesquite & Co. Twice now I’ve had their brisket plate and it is some great barbecue. I like lean brisket and that’s what they serve with a clearly visible half-inch deep red mesquite smoke ring. Sauce is important too and they have a great homemade recipe.

Yesterday I had Sue pick up a to-go order for me from the new R Bar & Grill on Main Street. I tried the Rafa’s Big Burrito. It was a cilantro and garlic wrap stuffed with beef fajita meat and sauteed peppers and onions. The burrito was okay but what was really good were the cumin rice and charro beans.

Earlier this week I thawed a link of Bellville Meat Market’s smoked sausage. My plan was to use the sausage to stuff Anaheim chiles from the garden. I’ve been dead-set on getting the deck finished so last night I commissioned Elise as my Sous Chef. I rattled off a recipe that consisted of chopped vegies, sausage, rice, cheese, cilantro and spices. I told her how to stuff the peppers and the baking time. Just as I finished screwing down the last plank of the deck, dinner was almost ready. I walked into the kitchen to find the jalapenos that I pulled for the recipe were still sitting on the counter. I was told that the cilantro had been forgotten about too. I found out that the Spanish rice was burnt as well. I turned into Gordon Ramsey and fired my wife.

The stuffed peppers weren’t bad. Elise did a good job. I sliced some fresh jalapenos and topped stuffed pepper medallions. We agreed that the recipe needed the added spice. I’m considering re-hiring her seeing how she’s the only help I can get in the kitchen. I’ve tried getting Riley to help but all he likes to do is sit around and eat orange Jell-O and drink beer.

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Rock busting and deck building

The weekend before last I attempted to start work on my deck. This weekend the family helped set posts and frame our entire deck.


Janidek

Dad, my brother Keith, John and I did the majority of the work. Elise shed a little sweat herself when she wasn’t at work.Building a deck in central Texas sucks. We had to set ten 4″x4″ posts 2-feet into the ground. That meant digging through rock. It was so bad that John and I drove over to the HoPot and rented a jackhammer and an auger. We used the auger to dig an inch into the ground until we hit rock. Then the jackhammer. Then the auger. The jackhammer worked great at breaking rocks, but it’s not fun to lift out of a hole while standing under a Texas sun.

We worked extrememly hard the entire weekend. We’re all sore as hell and I’m indebted to my family (yes, that’s you too Englers) for all their hard work. I’m looking forward to finishing the deck planks so we can begin enjoying our new deck.

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What I said I would do

I decided on a new employee and she started her new job today. I called the 13 other individuals who I interviewed last week to thank them for meeting with me and to wish them luck in their search for employment.

Long ago I pledged to myself that if I am in a position where I interview candidates and hire employees, I would call each and every individual who didn’t “make the cut”.

So many times I have interviewed for a job and waited for that call when I was told “we’ll call you next week”. I wouldn’t get any call at all. I had to hunt down the lazy, inconsiderate person who interviewed me to find out “Oh. Yeah. Right. Hi. Umm, we hired someone else”.

It’s inconsiderate of other peoples’ time and energy. If you’re not going to hire someone, let them know so they can be done with it and move on. Managers who have no common courtesy shouldn’t be in a position hire employees.

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Dead Slut

Someone in the office brought me the local paper so I could see how my recent employment ad looked. Two columns to the right of my ad was an ad for the metal band Dead Slut. Mr. Slut is seeking a drummer, guitarist and bassist. He has his own rehearsal and recording studio in the area. Potential Dead Slut rockers are pointed to deadslut.com.

Curiosity got the best of me because I’m all about deceased, easy women so I checked out the website. I once thought about starting my own metal band, Whores Who Sleep with the Fishes. Or maybe the Tomb Skanks.

Anyway, I checked out the website. I read Mr. Slut’s bio. One of his influences is none other than Wednesday 13. I wrote Mr. Slut and told him that my childhood best friend is the guitar player for Wednesday 13. Mr. Slut and I exchanged a couple e-mails. He grew up in Houston as did I.

I wished Mr. Slut luck. Now if you’ll excuse me, the tour bus is waiting. I’m going on the road with Deceased Fornicatress.

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Label tech interviews: Day 2

My first interview was at 11:30 this morning. After that interview I thought, “What the hell am I doing? I’m spending a lot of time interviewing people for a minimal skills, no experience required, repetitive position.” The requirements for this job are:

    Pulse
    Can count to 165
    Has opposable thumbs [Insert your own bad manager primate joke here]

I interviewed seven people today. That consumed my entire work day. Interviewing people is a blast. I’ve met some great people these past two days. The first girl I interviewed I decided I’m going to hire unless someone really impresses me tomorrow. I’m going to continue with the interviews so I’ll feel like I’m getting my money’s worth for placing my ad in the paper. So anyway, this girl is living in Marble Falls for the summer to stay with her dad. She’s a junior psychology major at Sam Houston State. She’s eager, bubbly, intelligent and most importantly, she was the first person to say “I’d really like to work for you” as I was shaking her hand and saying goodbye.

I’ve interviewed two entrepreneurs. They were both great to talk to but I don’t think this is a position where their skills would be utilized.

The second person I interviewed will be starting classes at the Texas Culinary Academy in the fall. We had a great one-sided conversation. I told her how much I enjoyed cooking and that I aspire to be a chef. She stared blankly and said, “yeah”. If you want a job and can find such an intimate mutual interest in the person that’s interviewing you, milk that for everything it’s worth.

The only male I interviewed today was quick to point out that he recently had a run in with the law. He was droning on when I interjected by saying, “Why are you telling me this?” I then found out that his court appointed duties would affect his work schedule. Honesty: good. Run in with the law: not good.

Being on the other end of the desk has been a great experience for yours truly. Here are my observations on interviewing potential employees; some of them you would think would be common knowledge.

Dress nicely. I don’t care if you’re interviewing for a job as shit sweeper, dress up for your interview. Frayed jeans and flip flops aren’t going to get you the job. Yes, someone came in today wearing frayed, dirty jeans and flip flops.

If you’re a male (and might have had a recent run in with the law), tuck your damn shirt in.

Be polite and respectful. Say “yes” or “no”, not “uh huh” or “uh uh” and don’t nod your head in response – that means you have rocks in your head.

Don’t cuss.

I like to think I don’t have a big head but those who said “Yes sir” stuck out in my mind.

Don’t wear cologne, perfume or oils. You think you smell great but it’s offensive. One interviewee was great but her “oil” stunk. I had to wash my hands after she left because a scent lingered.

Spaghetti strap tank tops aren’t proper attire unless you’re interviewing for a job as a stripper. What’s worse is when you have a large back-piece tattoo of a butterly.

Don’t wear different colored contact lenses. A girl that would have been great for the job had one brown eye and one blue eye. It was distracting and annoying as all hell.

All in all, I love interviewing people. Folks are nervous during an interview and I really enjoy breaking the ice and allowing them to take a breath and loosen up. I like to find out about previous jobs and their skill sets, get through that crap and find out about the actual person who I may be working with. Common interests outside of work are more interesting than those of the inside.

People are fun.

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Hiring for fulfillment

I lost one of my fulfillment employees back in March. Since then we’ve been very lean and it’s been pretty tough. I commissioned the local employment agency to find a replacement employee for me. In three months I’ve interviewed two people for the fulfillment position. I interviewed three people for the marketing/accounting/everything-else-I-need position. I hired on who I thought was best suited for this position. I was right and then some. Saying she does a fantastic job is an understatement. I couldn’t be happier with this hire.

So this employee has helped me out significantly but I still need an additional staffer in fulfillment. I called the employment agency a couple weeks ago and said, “What gives? I need someone ASAP” They said there weren’t that many job seekers right now.

The two full-time fulfillment employees are stressed and errors are starting to pop up. I really need a third person… So I wrote a great help wanted ad and ran it in three local papers. The phone has been ringing non-stop. I’ve had five interviews this week so far. I have seven interviews tomorrow and five interviews on Friday.

Interviewing folks is fun, especially if you have a few in a day and can get into a rhythm. I like when I strike that perfect balance where I can break the ice, make the interviewee feel comfortable and then conduct a productive interview that doesn’t warrant an awkward, cookie cutter conversation.

This is a general labor, no experience necessary position so I get an exciting array of applicants. Some are scared shitless, some are bubbly, some are assertive and some are confused. One was 15-minutes late for her interview with a poor excuse. I had planned on immediately sending her away but she looked down on her luck. I don’t like to assume or pigeonhole people, but it’s fairly simple to determine “types” by asking a couple simple questions.

The next two days are going to be full of interviews. In the meantime, my workload is piling up. Yee haw.

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Run for the new border

I took a break from work late this afternoon and drove around the block a couple times. Marble Falls has a new Taco Bell. They tore down the old, traditional Taco Bell and built a modern Taco Bell in its place. By modern I mean the facade is more vibrant and architecturally redesigned to entice those who crave only the finest in irritable bowel syndrome.

As I drove by I could see that the parking lot was packed. The inside was crammed with patrons. I don’t get it. It’s Taco Bell.

A few years back we lived in the bustling town of Temple. Months after making our daring move, a Chili’s restaurant opened. Everyone was so excited. Chili’s was the talk of the town. Everytime I drove by, the place was packed. You apparently had to know someone to get in the door. I mean, come on, it’s a Chili’s! You would have thought that Christ himself was in there serving up the Extreme Fajitas and Pizza Shooters.

I just don’t get it.

Honest recollection: I’m sitting in the back seat of a buddy’s car. He and his girlfriend are in the front seat and we’re driving to some inconsequential location…

“Hey Brent, we haven’t eaten at that McDonald’s yet!!!”

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Deck building skills

Elise and I like to entertain. We’d like to entertain more frequently. In the year and a half that we’ve lived in our house we’ve had a good number of get-togethers. When the weather is nice and we want to be outside, we’re limited to a 10-foot by 8-foot concrete patio. One of the things I noticed when we first looked at this house while house shopping was that it needed a good deck.

So I designed a deck. It’s a great design, too. Multi-leveled, built-in benches, railings, rafters. I found myself at the HoPot early this morning picking out lumber for my deck. I came home and dropped off my lumber and started laying out my framework. I found myself at the HoPot shortly after to exchange the screws that were too short. I found myself at the HoPot shortly after that because I realized that screwing the frame of my deck would work better with nails.

Six hours later I had a dilapidated frame, two busted toes from a falling 2×4, a broken flower pot, a sunburn and I was pissed.

So I did what any downtrodden deck builder would do. I threw my hammer across the yard, threw my hands to the skies, yelled f***, s***, a***, and then called my dad and requisitioned his infinite lumber wisdom and deck building skills. He and Mom will be here on Friday night to help build my deck next weekend.

Somewhere between f*** and s*** I went inside and made a great roasted turkey, aioli and avocado sandwich.

In my many years in college I wondered what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I made it through college and now maintain a good job. For many, many years I tried to find my niche. What is it that I’m good at? I have an air pocket in my tear duct that squeaks if I press on it. Poking myself in the eye to make a sound is cool and all, but it’s not really a skill; more like a devine gift. Look for my country & western CD in September: “Josh Janicek: Beer Drinkers and Tear Squeakers”.

So I’m not carpentry inclined. It took me six hours to figure that out. I can cook like a tear duct squeaking madman though. I’m confident in that. I have that skill that I’m proud of.

Deck building – I’ll see what I can pick up from Dad this weekend.

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EPA stops Hartz

I’ve owned and operated HartzVictims.org since November of 2002. Yesterday Hartz agreed, at the EPA’s request, to stop production and sales of several flea and tick products by year’s end.

I can’t begin to explain how happy this makes me. It’s been a long battle. I’ve received over 800 unique and sad stories about how a Hartz product has injured or killed a beloved pet.

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Cayenne pepper bite

I’m growing six varieties of peppers this year. The first to ripen are my cayennes. I picked a beautiful, low-hanging red pepper with purple top today. I held it in my hand and my mouth started watering. The red and purple colors were gorgeous.

I walked it into the kitchen and gently set it on the kitchen counter. I had to taste it. I debated on slicing it. I opted to bite into it. I knew it would be hot, but I wanted to taste the fruit of my labor.

I took a casual bite into my pepper and immediately tasted it. It had a great floral flavor matched with tang and bitterness. I basked in the flavor for .08 of a second before the capsaicin clocked in.

My forehead immediately beaded with sweat, my mouth flooded with saliva and my throat stung like I’d swallowed a yellow jacket nest. But man, did that bite taste good. So I took another bite.

I’m going to make hot sauce when more of the cayennes ripen.

When the habeneros ripen, I’m just going to make hot sauce. I won’t taste test them first.