What you can do with your birthday balloons
Here’s what you can do with your birthday balloons.
Don’t conk out early on your 30th birthday party
XXX
I turned 30 yesterday. I thought it was going to be just another day. The girls decorated the office with tons of black balloons and we ordered in Bella Serra for lunch. Later in the afternoon I stood up after burning a copy of MapPoint for my sales person and my right knee gave out on me. It literally crippled me. I honestly thought I was going to have to go to the doctor. I walked around the warehouse a few times to rebuild my knee’s collagen. I’ve never had knee problems. I’m getting old.
Elise and I went out for a nice dinner at The Cafe at the Four Seasons. Elise had the Jumbo Shrimp and Dover Sole Piccata, Caper Berries, Mediterranean Couscous and Baby Artichokes. I had the 8 oz. Texas Charred Beef Tenderloin, Twice Baked Potato, Creamy Spinach and Green Peppercorn Sauce. Dinner was fantastic.
During dinner Elise mentioned that we need to “talk” before the baby is born. She told me that she would like to know how to do the things in our relationship that have always been my responsibility such as paying the bills, managing our investments, retirement and where everything is filed.
When we got home she gave me my 30th birthday present: A gift certificate for one jump out of an airplane with a man attached to my back and a parachute attached to his back.
A baby on the way, a wife who wants to off me and a prostate gland that’s now going to require regular check-ups.
Welcome, 30.
Music signature
Ever get that question, “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”
“Ummm… I pretty much like everything.”
No you don’t. I don’t like Kanye West. I don’t like Lenny Kravitz. I don’t like the Dick See Chicks.
Here’s my music signature.
($20 to anyone who can name at least 20 of the songs)
Austin Project
Very cool. A revolution! I’m looking forward to hearing the ad.
Lobby4Linux, in cooperation with myfirstlinux.com and featuring PclinuxOS; announce the first commercial advertising effort for the Linux Operating System. We will advertise a free system, not the boxed-sets for SUSE or RedHat you see on CompUSA shelves. The residents of Austin Texas will soon hear of Linux on their radio stations. For six days a week, two to three times a day and for 24 days, Linux will become a “known” product via a professional 30 second radio advertisement. According to hundreds of responses to a recent Lobby4Linux blog of helios, it is an effort well past its time.
“The Austin Project” will bring Linux into the light of day for thousands…possibly tens of thousands. Those who believe that Microsoft Windows is their only choice will soon know better. This is the day Microsoft did not want to come. The day the Linux Community took it upon themselves to give the world Linux. It only begins in Austin Texas….where it goes from there is up to us. Next will be the Boise Project, then The Denver Project. Austin…? This is simply the first step of a journey…the first shot fired in a long war. There is no other way to make it happen. Business for the most part has ignored us. We must make this happen for ourselves. Folks in other cities and countries need to be planning ahead and deciding who will pick up the ball once we score in Austin. Until this project takes root, one project at a time should run. Cities competing with each other will only dampen our efforts.
I would love to learn more about Linux. I would like to keep a PC in the home office running something other than Windows. I tried Linux over three years ago but was turned off when I couldn’t get online, print or find any peripherals. I hope these guys do something great for “the rest of us” without us having to RTFM.
How to sell your wife’s motorcycle helmet
“I’m going to sell my two motorcycle helmets. Do you want me to sell your’s?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“…”
“Are you going to get drunk on your birthday again, put your motorcycle helmet on, sit in the hallway and cry while you show childhood photos to people that you don’t know?”
“You can sell it.”
Guinness ice cream
I found this recipe adaptation from The Boston Globe. I think I’ll try it when the in-laws visit next month.
Makes 1 quart
1/2 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
1 cup whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
2/3 cup Guinness stout
2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons molasses
4 egg yolks
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- In a medium saucepan, scrape in the vanilla bean seeds. Add the pod, milk, and cream. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Turn off the heat, cover the pan, and let the flavors infuse for 30 minutes.
- Meanwhile, in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, whisk together the stout and molasses. Bring to a boil and turn off heat.
- In a large mixing bowl, whisk the yolks, sugar, and vanilla extract. Whisk in a few tablespoons of the hot cream mixture, then slowly whisk in another 1/4 cup of the cream. Add the remaining cream in a steady stream, whisking constantly. Pour the mixture back into the saucepan.
- Stir the beer mixture into the cream mixture. Cook the custard over medium heat, stirring often with a wooden spoon, for 6 to 8 minutes or until the custard thickens enough to coat the back of the spoon.
- Strain the mixture into a bowl and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or overnight. Process the custard in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
Body moving. Body body body body body body body
I FINALLY felt my kid kick tonight. For the past three weeks Elise would jump from the chair in the living room and over the coffee table to me on the couch and say, “HURRY! It’s moving!” I would put my hand on Elise’s stomach and wait.
And wait.
And wait more.
Nothing.
I finally felt my kid kick tonight. Actually I saw it before I felt it. That was weird. I then rested my hand on Elise’s stomach for longer than normal and actually felt it.
It wasn’t what I was expecting. Instead of little taps or thumps, I felt full-on reverse hook kicks. This kid is in Tae Kwon Do training already. What I felt was Elise’s entire stomach thumping like a micro-Josh-in-training is in there.
Elise insists on knowing how I’m “feeling”.
I’m excited but kind of concerned that we’re spawning an ass-kicking alien.
Paul Teutul found dead at bottom of famed mobster fish’s house
At 4 p.m. this afternoon I found Paul Teutul’s lifeless body resting flat on the rocks at the bottom of Tony Soprano’s tank.
I bought Paul Teutul, a gold guaramie, as a companion for Tony Soprano last week. Paul Teutul was introduced just over a month after Tony Soprano’s companion, Carmela tragically hanged herself.
Tony Soprano and Paul Teutul, named for his handlebar-style mustache, seemed to be friends during their one week together. It was, however, commonplace for TS to do a little bullying by chasing PT around the tank.
Tony Soprano is resilient, in good health and has quickly adapted to being alone again.
The two deaths being so close together leave us to wonder if foul play was involved and what, if any, is on Tony Soprano’s agenda.
I spoke with Tony Soprano moments after exhuming and caring for the deceased Paul Teutul. His response: “Seen if before. Wuddya gonna do?”
Bully on the monkey bars
I’m laughing all the way to my Ameritrade account. For a year or so. I’m hoping it’s longer than that. Not because I’m a Mac guy. I’m just not a big fan of Dell.
Insert your own dumb blonde cheerleader joke
For those about to shove rusty scissors into your eye, I salute you
Today marks my third anniversary with my company. This date is not to be confused with Scandanavia’s St. Knut’s Day or more importantly, on this date in 1957 when the Wham-O toy company introduced a flying disk which later became known as the Frisbee. In celebration of these joyous occasions I am commemorating those who have had a rough go of it this week.
Me: I am suffering terribly from what is known as Couvade Syndrome. I’ve been experiencing a lot of stomach cramping and a couple bouts with nausea. I been stricken with a lovely condition that I like to call p.m. heartburn that could choke a donkey. I have a right-side recurring sciatica that can only be treated by walking around in circles and deep tissue massaging my own ass in public. I’ve gained embarassing sympathy weight, have grown a beard, I’m extremely irritable and I cried after watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on Sunday. I’ve never experienced any of the afformentioned conditions in the past and have always been a very healthy person. I’d heard of Couvade Syndrome before but didn’t think of it as a real condition. I’m here to tell you that it’s very real and it sucks. Elise is doing great with the pregnancy. That bitch.
Clyde’s boss: Clyde, my friend and Tae Kwon Do instructor told me last night that his boss left work early one afternoon complaining of a stomach ache. He stayed home the following day as well. His wife left him at the house to go to the grocery store. On the way to the store she hit a deer and totalled her car. She repeatedly used her cell phone to call her husband at the house but he never answered. She walked all the way home to find him paralyzed on the living room floor with a ruptured appendix. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room and from what I’m told will make a full recovery.
Doug and Marcia: Our good friends bought a house in Austin last month. They flew in from North Carolina late last week. Doug started his new job on Monday. The moving van came in on Tuesday. Marcia went into labor on Tuesday. The baby was born on Wednesday. Doug sprouted a new gray hair late Wednesday. How stressful is that?!?