For those about to shove rusty scissors into your eye, I salute you

Today marks my third anniversary with my company. This date is not to be confused with Scandanavia’s St. Knut’s Day or more importantly, on this date in 1957 when the Wham-O toy company introduced a flying disk which later became known as the Frisbee. In celebration of these joyous occasions I am commemorating those who have had a rough go of it this week.

Me: I am suffering terribly from what is known as Couvade Syndrome. I’ve been experiencing a lot of stomach cramping and a couple bouts with nausea. I been stricken with a lovely condition that I like to call p.m. heartburn that could choke a donkey. I have a right-side recurring sciatica that can only be treated by walking around in circles and deep tissue massaging my own ass in public. I’ve gained embarassing sympathy weight, have grown a beard, I’m extremely irritable and I cried after watching “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” on Sunday. I’ve never experienced any of the afformentioned conditions in the past and have always been a very healthy person. I’d heard of Couvade Syndrome before but didn’t think of it as a real condition. I’m here to tell you that it’s very real and it sucks. Elise is doing great with the pregnancy. That bitch.

Clyde’s boss: Clyde, my friend and Tae Kwon Do instructor told me last night that his boss left work early one afternoon complaining of a stomach ache. He stayed home the following day as well. His wife left him at the house to go to the grocery store. On the way to the store she hit a deer and totalled her car. She repeatedly used her cell phone to call her husband at the house but he never answered. She walked all the way home to find him paralyzed on the living room floor with a ruptured appendix. He was immediately rushed to the emergency room and from what I’m told will make a full recovery.

Doug and Marcia: Our good friends bought a house in Austin last month. They flew in from North Carolina late last week. Doug started his new job on Monday. The moving van came in on Tuesday. Marcia went into labor on Tuesday. The baby was born on Wednesday. Doug sprouted a new gray hair late Wednesday. How stressful is that?!?

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