Magic: the Gathering of Groceries

Last Wednesday I stopped at the HEB in Bee Caves for ingredients for the stuffed Anaheims that I had Elise make. I made a mad dash through the store because I needed to get home so I could have enough daylight to work on the deck.

I found a check out line with a short wait. I put my groceries on the conveyor belt and was soon greeted by a friendly young chap who, if I had to guess, was 17-years-old.

“Good afternoon, sir. How are you today?”

“I’m fantastic, how are you?”

“I’m okay, except that I just got to work and I have to work the late shift.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m just heading home from the office and have to get out in this blistering heat and build a deck”

“Did you just say you have to ‘build a deck’?”

“Yes. Build a deck.”

“Wow. Do you play Magic: the Gathering?!?!?”

(Magic: the Gathering is the contemporary Dungeons & Dragons)

(I know nothing about either of these things)

I grinned and said, “No, I don’t play Magic: the Gathering.”

“Oh. Because you said ‘build a deck’ and I thought maybe you played Magic: the Gathering.”

“No. I’m building an outside deck. Out of wood. With tools.”

“Oh. That’s cool. I like to play Magic: the Gathering. In fact, me and my friends were just playing Magic: the Gathering over at my house. We really like to play.”

“Sounds like you chums have a smashing good time.”

“Yeah, we really like playing. I was in a really good mood when I got to work because we had a really good game earlier. Then my manager walked by me and then I wasn’t in such a good mood anymore.”


“So what do you do?”


“What do you do for a living?”

“I manage a small business out in Marble Falls.”

“What does your company do?”

[Inner monologue: It’s a criminal organization that bashes teenage boys who play Magic: the Gathering]

“We sell a nutritional and wellness product line to pharmacies”

“Oh. That sounds cool. Here’s your receipt. Have a great day, sir.”


I walked outside, grinned again and loaded my groceries into my unicorn-driven warlock wagon and headed south to my cottage in the village of Kamigawa.

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