Author: Josh

My first interview was at 11:30 this morning. After that interview I thought, “What the hell am I doing? I’m spending a lot of time interviewing people for a minimal skills, no experience required, repetitive position.” The requirements for this job are:

Pulse
Can count to 165
Has opposable thumbs [Insert your own bad manager primate joke here]

I interviewed seven people today. That consumed my entire work day. Interviewing people is a blast. I’ve met some great people these past two days. The first girl I interviewed I decided I’m going to hire unless someone really impresses me tomorrow. I’m going to continue with the interviews so I’ll feel like I’m getting my money’s worth for placing my ad in the paper. So anyway, this girl is living in Marble Falls for the summer to stay with her dad. She’s a junior psychology major at Sam Houston State. She’s eager, bubbly, intelligent and most importantly, she was the first person to say “I’d really like to work for you” as I was shaking her hand and saying goodbye.

I’ve interviewed two entrepreneurs. They were both great to talk to but I don’t think this is a position where their skills would be utilized.

The second person I interviewed will be starting classes at the Texas Culinary Academy in the fall. We had a great one-sided conversation. I told her how much I enjoyed cooking and that I aspire to be a chef. She stared blankly and said, “yeah”. If you want a job and can find such an intimate mutual interest in the person that’s interviewing you, milk that for everything it’s worth.

The only male I interviewed today was quick to point out that he recently had a run in with the law. He was droning on when I interjected by saying, “Why are you telling me this?” I then found out that his court appointed duties would affect his work schedule. Honesty: good. Run in with the law: not good.

Being on the other end of the desk has been a great experience for yours truly. Here are my observations on interviewing potential employees; some of them you would think would be common knowledge.

Dress nicely. I don’t care if you’re interviewing for a job as shit sweeper, dress up for your interview. Frayed jeans and flip flops aren’t going to get you the job. Yes, someone came in today wearing frayed, dirty jeans and flip flops.

If you’re a male (and might have had a recent run in with the law), tuck your damn shirt in.

Be polite and respectful. Say “yes” or “no”, not “uh huh” or “uh uh” and don’t nod your head in response – that means you have rocks in your head.

Don’t cuss.

I like to think I don’t have a big head but those who said “Yes sir” stuck out in my mind.

Don’t wear cologne, perfume or oils. You think you smell great but it’s offensive. One interviewee was great but her “oil” stunk. I had to wash my hands after she left because a scent lingered.

Spaghetti strap tank tops aren’t proper attire unless you’re interviewing for a job as a stripper. What’s worse is when you have a large back-piece tattoo of a butterly.

Don’t wear different colored contact lenses. A girl that would have been great for the job had one brown eye and one blue eye. It was distracting and annoying as all hell.

All in all, I love interviewing people. Folks are nervous during an interview and I really enjoy breaking the ice and allowing them to take a breath and loosen up. I like to find out about previous jobs and their skill sets, get through that crap and find out about the actual person who I may be working with. Common interests outside of work are more interesting than those of the inside.

People are fun.

I lost one of my fulfillment employees back in March. Since then we’ve been very lean and it’s been pretty tough. I commissioned the local employment agency to find a replacement employee for me. In three months I’ve interviewed two people for the fulfillment position. I interviewed three people for the marketing/accounting/everything-else-I-need position. I hired on who I thought was best suited for this position. I was right and then some. Saying she does a fantastic job is an understatement. I couldn’t be happier with this hire.

So this employee has helped me out significantly but I still need an additional staffer in fulfillment. I called the employment agency a couple weeks ago and said, “What gives? I need someone ASAP” They said there weren’t that many job seekers right now.

The two full-time fulfillment employees are stressed and errors are starting to pop up. I really need a third person… So I wrote a great help wanted ad and ran it in three local papers. The phone has been ringing non-stop. I’ve had five interviews this week so far. I have seven interviews tomorrow and five interviews on Friday.

Interviewing folks is fun, especially if you have a few in a day and can get into a rhythm. I like when I strike that perfect balance where I can break the ice, make the interviewee feel comfortable and then conduct a productive interview that doesn’t warrant an awkward, cookie cutter conversation.

This is a general labor, no experience necessary position so I get an exciting array of applicants. Some are scared shitless, some are bubbly, some are assertive and some are confused. One was 15-minutes late for her interview with a poor excuse. I had planned on immediately sending her away but she looked down on her luck. I don’t like to assume or pigeonhole people, but it’s fairly simple to determine “types” by asking a couple simple questions.

The next two days are going to be full of interviews. In the meantime, my workload is piling up. Yee haw.

I had a weird feeling today – that something significant happened a year ago on this date.

Since then my worklife has done a 180 and been kicked into high gear. Aside from the headaches I can say that I’m happy with my job. A little over year ago I wasn’t as happy with my job.

My then-boss had the staff on a “performance-based” pay structure. If our outside sales staff didn’t hit their numbers, the rest of us took dings on our paychecks. When then-boss would hand out paychecks, he’d say something like “Well Josh, looks like we didn’t hit our sales numbers this month. I know it hurts. Trust me, I’m feeling it too.”

I’d think: “Yeah right.”

This “performance-based” pay meant that your humble narrator was often shorted 33% of my monthly salary. Don’t get me wrong, this program swung both ways. If sales exceeded their quota, I would get a bonus on top of my salary. That happened once – to the tune of a few inconsequential dollars. All other checks that year took significant hickies.

I casually searched for other jobs but aside from paycheck theivery, I enjoyed my job. I rode my bicycle to work, my coworkers were my friends, I was learning and my job kept me busy.

Then one day now-boss and his wife came into the office and said “then-boss is no longer with the company.” I was given a promotion a week later and soon learned why then-boss was fired.

In that week when I didn’t have a direct manager, I wrote down questions, company procedures, to do lists, job descriptions and a poem about an deaf-mute butterfly who suffers from a gender identity crisis.

Most of my questions were for now-boss. The most important question was quickly answered: No more “peformance-based” pay. We put our sales staff on a commission-only pay structure, cut costs, moved production in-house, called on accounts receivable and pushed inside sales. Now I work for and manage the operations of a successful small business. Not bad for one year.

I miss working in Austin. What I miss most is riding my bike to and from work. You see a lot when you ride a bicycle.

I also miss being close to the house. I used to go home for lunch and escape for an hour. I used to be able to meet Elise for lunch. It’s harder for me to run errands during the day. I can’t run over to the bank. I don’t really like the commute to Marble Falls. I do it though because I have to. It’s a dangerous drive and that’s two hours of my day dedicated to driving. Driving, not cycling – polluting the air, costing me gas money and cutting into time when I could be writing about transgender butterflies.