Author: Josh

I bought Elise an iPod mini for Valentine’s Day so she could listen to music while training for Danskin. I was the first nerd to purchase a mini from the CompUSA on Brodie (yes, I was there an hour early – first in line). I had problems with it from the word go. I plugged it into the wall for an hour to charge it up to 80% of its battery capacity per the Apple representatives instructions. To spare you the details, it didn’t seem like it was working when I tried to sync it. I left it plugged into the wall overnight and it worked great for the next day, the next week and the week after that.

Last week I wanted to show off the elPod to my father-in-law, Steve. The elPod wouldn’t turn on. I figured Elise hadn’t charged it in a while. I plugged it into the wall and I forgot about it – never got around to showing it to Steve. Elise and I went to run errands one night and I grabbed the elPod to listen to in the Jeep. It wouldn’t turn on.

Last night I finally had a chance to call Apple Care. They’re sending me a box so I can ship the elPod to them for repairs. John called me shortly after. I told him that the elPod was going to the shop.

John: “Apple Care is cool.”
Josh [minus expletives]: “Yeah, but I shouldn’t have to be sending it back – it’s brand new!”
John: “You should know not to buy the first version of something.”
Josh: “Yeah, it sounds like something we would do…
“Alright, it’s done, let’s ship it out to the masses.”
“Should we plug it in first to see if it works?”
“Nah, lets just ship ’em out and sell ’em.””

Regardless, the iPod minis are really cool. When it comes to personal technology, smaller is better, in my opinion. I would much rather carry an iPod mini than a standard iPod. If Apple can develop a larger capacity mini, I’ll buy another one.

In the meantime, I sold my 10GB 2nd generation iPod in hopes of getting a 15GB 3rd generation iPod. I sold mine with accessories that brought in $265.99. I could get my new iPod for $269 but our bicycles were stolen. So I’m taking my iPod money and buying Elise a new bike.

There are two kinds of people in this world that I don’t like: those who sit in plain view across from me in a restaurant and bicycle thieves.

Been busy as hell with the house and work. Our fulfillment manager quit on us last Friday so everyone else’s workload has pretty much doubled.

I’m finally getting my office peiced together. I’m selling stuff on eBay so we can buy more blinds to cover our windows. I’ve been stressing out about getting these damn high school reunion invitations printed and shipped. My stupid cat won’t stop meowing. I finally got the garage door fixed today. Cat is still meowing. Have a headache. My wife works 19 hour days. Cat meowing. Bikes were stolen. My iPod is officially sold. Need new bikes. Need blinds. Need paint. Need more time during the day. Meow.

I think I’m going to go prime our blood red guest bathroom now.

This week has consisted of a whirlwind of activity. Steve and Joanne came in on Sunday and have been painting non-stop. We’ve had our living room, kitchen, bar and part of my office painted. That might not sound like a lot for four days of work but a lot of the work was deciding on colors. At first the living room was too peach. Luckily on the second try we got the right color (they were smart and only painted one wall so we could decide if we liked the color). The kitchen is a cumin/pumpkin color with a shade darker glaze/rag roll technique. Joanne said the glaze took five hours for the both of them to complete.

I’ve always fancied myself as not-too-picky. Well, my office has been the room from hell to paint. It first needed to be primed, which Steve and I did on Tuesday night until 1:30 a.m. I wanted a light sage/grey color. Joanne knew exactly what I wanted and wound up trying three different colors that all came out too dark. She finally went much lighter and painted one wall last night. It looked like a pastel blue to me (I think I’m slowly inheriting my Dad’s color blindness). I’ve been told it’s a very light sage grey. I woke up this morning and looked at it. I see more grey now. I think I’m seeing blue because the yellow is still showing through the primer on the other three walls and pulling a blue out of the newly painted wall.

My Mom and Joanne painted the kitchen bar last night. I’m calling the color chocolate. I’m sure I’m way off. It’s probably known as “pink” or “any other color but chocolate”. It’s brown and it makes the bar “disappear”, which is the effect that Joanne was going for. I’m really pleased with the work that my in-laws did for us.

So Elise’s parents are leaving this morning and my parents came in yesterday afternoon to spend the weekend. My dad hates painting so it’s looking like Elise and I will have to learn how to paint double quick. Dad is probably up on my roof right now with a chainsaw, pruning the oak tree in the back yard.

Owning a house is great but sometimes you just want it to all be done with. We still have miles of wall that need painting. Our bedroom and guest bathroom are blood red. I think those two rooms are next on the hit parade.

That’s it – I’m buying a Mac. I’m sick of Windows. The icing on the cake is all of these stupid worms and viruses that I’m having to contend with on a daily basis. And what’s worse is they’re not malicious. Just like little gnats that swarm around your head. I have better things to do than sift through Symantec’s tech-babble write-ups on contemporary virus removal and registry edits. Right now our home computer has the Bagle (Beagle) virus. I received an e-mail from support@janicek.com stating that:

Dear user, the management of Janicek.com mailing system wants to let you know that,

Your e-mail account has been temporary disabled because of unauthorized access.

Advanced details can be found in attached file.

Cheers,

The Janicek.com team

http://www.janicek.com

And, of course that came with a .pif attachment. So now I have to go home tonight, remove the virus, endure the arduous task of uninstalling Outlook Express, install Thunderbird, explain to my wife why we no longer use Outlook Express and cross my fingers that the new iBook will be released soon.

Also, in the past 24 hours Outlook at work locks up on me every hour or so and both of our iPods aren’t being recognized by our home computer.

Here are some random pictures of the house taken earlier this week. Here are some others that I took last night.

Painting the house hasn’t gone quite as planned as of yet. I say this based on the color paint that was on the living room walls this morning. We went with “Dusty Sand” which turned out to be a little on the peach/pink side. Not us. We want the living room to be warmer. The walls were painted white with a very subtle blue tint that made the room very cold. Elise and I picked out a browner shade. Elise and Joanne went to Lowe’s last night and bought the new shade. I talked to Elise on the phone this afternoon and she said that the living room is done and looks good. I’m looking forward to seeing it when I get home today. I think they’re painting the kitchen right now. Joanne and Elise picked a terracotta rag roll technique for the kitchen. I’m really curious as to how that’s going to look.

I’ll post pictures tonight.

I think my office is next on the hit parade for paint. We all decided on sage green. I would’ve been fine with plain white but Elise and I talked about it and we’re going to put large black and white photos in the office and I think the darker earth-toned color will look nice.

Buffalo burgers went over well last night even though the sauce was too hot for even your humble narrator. We ate really late too so my stomach isn’t too happy with me right now. Tonight I’m going to make up some sort of grilled salmon salad sandwiches with granny smith apples on toasted rye.

The girls went to bed early last night. Steve and I stayed up until after 1 a.m. talking about paint, power tools, money and computers. Needless to say, I’m tired as hell today.

I know a few people who subscribe to the Netflix service. My best friend, John being one of these people. I don’t know if he still subscribes, but he told me he really liked the service and that I should subscribe. I won’t subscribe because I honestly can’t remember the last time I rented a movie and paying $19.95 a month for unlimited DVD rentals would leave me with very little time to read about things that I won’t buy and that I’m not the slightest bit interested in.

My mom e-mailed me an article from the Associated Press about Netflix’s accelerating growth and the heated competition the company is in with Blockbuster and Wal-Mart’s online movie rental services. As I get older and wiser, I like to stay informed in the world of business, technology, investments and Spandex®. The article that my mom sent made me think: “Should I have invested in Netflix when John was telling me how great it was?” It also made me think: “Did I leave the toilet seat up for the cat this morning?”

Netflix says that the average subscriber maintains the rental service for around 21 months and their revenue nearly doubled last year. The vast majority of subscribers are happy with the service as stated by Leyl Master Black:

“I have seen so many movies from Netflix that I would never be able to find at a video store,” said Black, who lives in San Francisco and Seattle. “Using something like Netflix takes a little more advanced planning, but it’s definitely worth it.”

So as I attempt so stay atop of the world of technology and financial trends, I ponder whether I should invest in smaller companies with looming competition from media giants.

But the really important issue here is: How does Leyl Master Black live in San Francisco AND Seattle? What does she say on her answering machine greeting? “Hi, this is Leyl in Seattle?” What if she ordered Sleepless in Seattle from Netflix but accidentally had it mailed to her address in San Francisco? What if she went to the grocery store and realized she left her coupons in her other state?

What if I had invested in Netflix early on? Would I have made a lot of money? Say, enough to live in Austin, TX AND Berrien Springs, MI, “The Christmas Pickle Capital of the World”?

One can only imagine.

My in-laws got to our house at 6:30 p.m. yesterday evening. Steve and Joanne are visiting from Des Moines, Iowa (The consensus seems to be that the name ‘Des Moines’ is a variation of Moingona, Moingonan or Caucuses, as shown on early French maps.) which, during this time of year, is 37 miles north of Juneau, Alaska. During the summer months (July 2-5) Des Moines shifts back south near Yuma, Arizona. This is all due in-part to plate tectonics. The term Midwest is a misnomer. If you look at these early French maps, the state of Iowa is not west, nor is it mid. It’s actually in America. So you’ll need a new map. French maps are good for holding boiled ears of corn, a vegetable indigenous to the Midwest and places that the early settlers refer to as Supermarkets.

After Steve and Joanne travelled 1,034.9 miles from driveway to driveway, across the great plains, through amber waves of grain and where the buffalo roam, I decided to cook a meal fit for hungry people. When Elise’s parents visit us, I always like to treat them to some sort of Texas fare. I planned a meal a la my new Cooking Fearlessly cookbook that Elise gave me for my birthday. I impressed myself, which is rare these days. I soaked two venison backstraps (compliments of my dad) in Il Bastardo (Tuscan red wine – translation: Scared and sickly young Italian boy who lost his mother in the department store because he thought it would be funny to hide in the dress racks) for 6 hours and stuffed them with venison and pork sausage and grilled lobster. I varied Hudson’s Guava Sour Cherry Sauce by making my sauce with pureed apricots, strawberries, cranberries, blueberries and cherries with apple juice, brown sugar, raspberry infused vinegar, shallots and garlic. I grilled the stuffed backstrap on my new grill (again, thanks dad!) to a nice medium rare for Steve, Joanne and Elise. I left mine still kicking and bloody. I also made Ancho Bock Smashers, again a la Hudson’s but with a good dusting of white pepper and garlic powder in order to call it my own. Hands down these are the best mashed potatoes in the world – and they’re easy to make! A simple combination of russet potatoes, a sweet potato, reconstituted and pureed ancho chilies, butter, heavy cream and Shiner Bock beer. The taste, smell and colors revitalized my desire to start really cooking again.

Everyone liked dinner, or so I was told.

Tonight is New York night. It has become tradition that I watch American Chopper (or O.C.C. as Elise and I refer to it) on the Discover Channel. Orange County Choppers is located in Rock Tavern, New York. So tonight I’m making Buffalo Burgers. You might say: “But Josh, Rock Tavern is nowhere near Buffalo!” To which I’d reply: “Au contraire, mon Frare, I’m using my trusty French map.”

Buffalo Burgers are huge, fatty hamburgers soaked in pureed habenero and chipotle chilies, Trappey’s Louisiana Hot Sauce, Tabasco Sauce, cayenne pepper, paprika, chili powder, garlic, melted butter and whatever other esophagus-eroding potable condiments I can find in the cupboard. The burgers are then topped with bleu cheese and served on toasted buns with fries – comfort food with some serious kick.

I’m feeding my in-laws heartily because they are humans and need things like food, water and e-mail messages from Nigerian businessmen in search of cheap Viagra. That and they’re also playing While You Were Out. While I’m at work, they’ll be painting the interior of our house. You might ask: “But Josh, why on Earth would you want to paint the interior of your house?” To which I would reply: “Je n’aime pas le jaune!”, which is a French phrase commonly heard in Des Moines that translates into: “Hark! The settlers are advancing towards the Supermarket. We must stop them before they trade our corn for mustard and use it all for cave paintings.”

I’m looking forward to seeing my house when I get home today. Joanne has quite an eye for color and is experienced in interior painting. Thus far she has picked paints that have fancy names like: Dusty Sand, Amber Waves of Grain and Where the Buffalo Roam. You wouldn’t want to eat chips from the latter, or any paint chips for that matter unless, of course, you’re eating my Buffalo Burgers.

My in-laws got to our house at 6:30 p.m. yesterday evening. Steve and Joanne are visiting from Des Moines, Iowa (The consensus seems to be that the name ‘Des Moines’ is a variation of Moingona, Moingonan or Caucuses, as shown on early French maps.) which, during this time of year, is 37 miles north of Juneau, Alaska. During the summer months (July 2-5) Des Moines shifts back south near Yuma, Arizona. This is all due in-part to plate tectonics. The term Midwest is a misnomer. If you look at these early French maps, the state of Iowa is not west, nor is it mid. It’s actually in America. So you’ll need a new map. French maps are good for holding boiled ears of corn, a vegetable indigenous to the Midwest and places that the early settlers refer to as Supermarkets.

After Steve and Joanne travelled 1,034.9 miles from driveway to driveway, across the great plains, through amber waves of grain and where the buffalo roam, I decided to cook a meal fit for hungry people. When Elise’s parents visit us, I always like to treat them to some sort of Texas fare. I planned a meal a la my new Cooking Fearlessly cookbook that Elise gave me for my birthday. I impressed myself, which is rare these days. I soaked two venison backstraps (compliments of my dad) in Il Bastardo (Tuscan red wine – translation: Scared and sickly young Italian boy who lost his mother in the department store because he thought it would be funny to hide in the dress racks) for 6 hours and stuffed them with venison and pork sausage and grilled lobster. I varied Hudson’s Guava Sour Cherry Sauce by making my sauce with pureed apricots, strawberries, cranberries, blueberries and cherries with apple juice, brown sugar, raspberry infused vinegar, shallots and garlic. I grilled the stuffed backstrap on my new grill (again, thanks dad!) to a nice medium rare for Steve, Joanne and Elise. I left mine still kicking and bloody. I also made Ancho Bock Smashers, again a la Hudson’s but with a good dusting of white pepper and garlic powder in order to call it my own. Hands down these are the best mashed potatoes in the world – and they’re easy to make! A simple combination of russet potatoes, a sweet potato, reconstituted and pureed ancho chilies, butter, heavy cream and Shiner Bock beer. The taste, smell and colors revitalized my desire to start really cooking again.

Everyone liked dinner, or so I was told.

Tonight is New York night. It has become tradition that I watch American Chopper (or O.C.C. as Elise and I refer to it) on the Discover Channel. Orange County Choppers is located in Rock Tavern, New York. So tonight I’m making Buffalo Burgers. You might say: “But Josh, Rock Tavern is nowhere near Buffalo!” To which I’d reply: “Au contraire, mon Frare, I’m using my trusty French map.”

Buffalo Burgers are huge, fatty hamburgers soaked in pureed habenero and chipotle chilies, Trappey’s Louisiana Hot Sauce, Tabasco Sauce, cayenne pepper, paprika, chili powder, garlic, melted butter and whatever other esophagus-eroding potable condiments I can find in the cupboard. The burgers are then topped with bleu cheese and served on toasted buns with fries – comfort food with some serious kick.

I like our new neighborhood. I like it because I can look back ten years and remember my first place in Austin. My roommate and I rented a
town house in the ghetto. I would wake up at 5 a.m. to the sounds of aluminum cans being thrown out of the dumpster just outside of my bedroom window. This homeless guy would climb into the dumpster every morning and throw cans out onto the pavement to be later picked up and put into his shopping cart.

We heard gunshots on a regular basis. Sometimes I couldn’t fall asleep until I heard a gunshot. I’m a creature of habit.

I remember waking up and having to push aside my roommate’s and his friends’ extracurricular paraphernalia so I could sit on the couch, watch TV and eat breakfast on the coffee table. This usually entailed pushing one of my roommate’s friends off of the couch.

I spent nearly 8 years in southeast Austin between Riverside and Oltorf. I was a few months shy of getting a tear drop tattooed by my eye and putting my name on the back of my car in Old English lettering. I’m straight up from the ‘hood, yo. Keepin’ it real, ya know? I did move into what my friends and I appropriated dubbed the Bristol Method. Building 4 was our fraternity. We shared and shared alike. Some of my closet friends are from the Method. We had a great time while we all lived there. It was still the ghetto though.

Now I’m in a ‘hood where the neighbor down the street owns a Scaraab. The guy that lives across the street drives a NSX. The neighborhood is kept up. People jog while talking on their cell phone headsets. Yes, I speak the truth. I witnessed this yesterday. A young lady was jogging while talking on her cell phone.

“[gasp] Hey Julie! It’s [gasp] Bianca. Guess what? I [gasp] went to Nordstrom’s [gasp] yesterday and bought two [gasp] sports bras [gasp]. After my jog I’m [gasp] taking the Excursion to pick up [gasp] Ophelia and Britney from fencing [gasp] class and we’re going to [gasp] the country club for Erica’s shower! [gasp] Ciao!

Elise and I decided that we were going to buy each other a TV armoire for Valentine’s Day. We really needed one because our current particle board ‘entertainment center’ is from Walmart and on it’s very last leg. It wasn’t loaded properly during the move and it’s literally about to fall apart. If someone were to bump into it, it wouldn’t surprise me if it crumbled, breaking the TV, DVD, VCR and stereo head unit. So we decided we were going to buy a solid piece of furniture. I set aside a little money and out we went, to find our armoire.

We went to a couple warehouses in south Austin. We didn’t find anything we wanted. We then drove up Burnet Road and stopped in at Furniture in the Raw. Elise found the armoire she wanted. I liked it as well. Taking a few steps back, nobody greeted us when we walked into the showroom. We examined the armoire for a while and asked Elise “Is this the one you want?” She said “Yes.” No salesman had approached us yet. I looked around and raised my eyebrows at a couple salesmen. No one came over. Elise wanted to look around a little bit so I leaned against the armoire. Finally a salesman walked by me. I stared him down as he was walking my way. In passing he asked: “Everything alright?” I said: “What do I need to do to get someone to sell me this piece of furniture?” Chris stopped what he was doing and we talked. I haggled a little. After a talking to his manager, he said he could only come down $30. Keep in mind, this armoire was about $200 more than what I was thinking we were going to spend. Anyway, I asked and they did come down a little. We figured that was better than paying the sticker price (which indicated that the armoire was marked down 50% – ahem).

I wrote a check for the armoire and had it scheduled to be delivered on February 25th. As we were walking out of the showroom, we found a rustic hideaway bar. We both fell in love with it and knew exactly where it would go in the house. It was like a little treasure we had found so we decided to buy it as well. I had to pull from the iBook fund so we could buy the bar, but we both really liked it. I went and found Chris and told him we wanted to buy the bar. I told him he had better give me a good deal on this bar because I just spent a lot of money on a matching TV armoire. After another trip to talk to his manager, Chris came back with another minimal discount. We really should have walked away. We didn’t though. Chris said he couldn’t come down any further.

I went back to the cashier and wrote another check. Elise was able to get the manager to give us a bag full of free cabinet and drawer pulls. We’d spent a little more money than we had set out to, but we were happy.

So Elise went to a meeting in Pflugerville yesterday morning and stopped in at the Oak and Pine Superstore in north Austin. She found the exact armoire for $213 less than what we paid. She was upset when she called me at work. I was angry. She told me that the Oak and Pine Superstore could order our hideaway bar for $200 less as well. The first thing that came to mind was that we’ll get our money back from Furniture in the Raw. I went home during lunch and checked our invoices. Furniture in the Raw has a 7 day refund policy. Yesterday was day 8. I was becoming more and more frustrated. I thought I would have to accept the fact that we got screwed in our furniture purchase.

We drove to Furniture in the Raw after work last night. I talked to the sales manager and told him our situation. I told him that we just bought a house and we get to furnish it in the coming years. I told him that we’ve bought from FITR before (not true) and liked the service and quality of furniture we’d received (also not true). He was very friendly and understanding but said that this situation was above him. He took the catalog numbers of the armoire and bar from the Oak and Pine Superstore and said he would have the owner of FITR call me tomorrow.

So Harriette, the owner of FITR called me this morning. I didn’t mention anything to her about our situation, I just let her talk. She told me that she would match the price on the bar and come down $70 more on the armoire. I didn’t like that and was about to say something when she told me that the armoire that Elise found at the Oak and Pine Superstore was 12″ less in width and height than the armoire we purchased from FITR. I had Harriette give me a can of wood wax and was happy.

So, kudos to FITR for matching a competitor’s price after our refund period had expired. If we shop there again it will be because they charge less than the Oak and Pine Superstore for shipping. But we’ll go to the Oak and Pine Superstore first and get a quote to take with us.

You might not believe this, but Janicek.com is censored. If it were up to me, I would use more words like poo, cat vomit and intermittent. I’ve been told on many occasions that some of the entries I post can be “offensive” to some.

Well, I’m posting this one because I think it’s funny. I must first explain that Elise and I are very, Very, VERY happily married.

I woke up early on Sunday and took a shower. As I walked towards the kitchen, adorned with only a towel loin cloth when Elise woke up and said “I had a dream that you cheated on me.” I have, nor would I ever cheat on my wife or give her any reason to think or dream such. Dreams are weird like that. A dream that I cheated on her was a way for her subconcious to hash out some other personal crisis – something like “would mocha-colored crown molding go with gunstock-colored hardwood floors?”

Like most men in a cotton loin cloth, I though: “Hmmmmm… what type of woman does my own wife see me being intimate with?” Being the sensitive and strategic husband that I am, I asked: “Burrrrrrrrp, So… was she hot?!?!”

Elise’s response: “She looked like Demi Moore, except without the boobs or the good looks.”