Your ass cannot be found here

It’s gotten to the point where I can no longer giggle when I check’s statistics. Nearly 1/4 of my visitors are in search of pirate treasure. 1/6 are looking for BIG pirate treasure. Many are looking for moist pirate treasure while others are searching for unsanitary and epileptic pirate treasure.

Aaaaarg!!!  Ahoy, pirate treasure!

“Josh, why are people coming to in search of pirate treasure?”

I’m glad you asked. A couple years ago there was a party held at John and Christine’s house. Seeing how it was a party there was alcohol involved and soon a drinking game ensued among the girls. This game involved a sort of chant where the girls would slap the table and clap their hands in cadence. Slam clap slam clap. They chanted this song while slamming and clapping that went something like this: “Big pirate treasure, big pirate treasure, big pirate treasure. Uh huh. Big pirate treasure.”

I filmed a few minutes of this chanting game, named the video file “bigpiratetreasure.mpg” and uploaded it to the website. A few months later, Google Video and Yahoo! Video were launched and bigpiratetreasure.mpg was indexed. Since then many people have sought video of big, voluptuous, black, bouncy, juicy, nasty, stanky pirate treasure and I HAD IT! Woot!

A few months ago I spent one evening and reworded the reference to pirate treasure on and I renamed and moved the pirate treasure video file. But people still come to in search of pirate treasure.

Here is Yahoo!’s Video Removal Procedure just in case you have a video stored on your server that you don’t want the world to see. Or if you have a lot of pirate treasure.

Yahoo! Video Search – Video Removal Procedure
Standard Removal Procedure:

Yahoo! Video Search crawls the Web for video files, and our crawlers comply with the Robots Exclusion Standard. In order to remove your videos from our index, we require that you create a robots.txt file using the Robots Exclusion Protocol to indicate which files you want excluded.

In order to use a robots.txt file, you or your webmaster need to have access to your web site’s hosting server. For more information on the Robots Exclusion Standard and its practice, please visit:

You must stipulate the following user-agent in your robots.txt file to block Yahoo!’s video crawler from accessing your specific directories or video files:

User-agent: Yahoo-MMAudVid

Once you have placed this file at the root level of your hosting server, Yahoo!’s video crawlers will no longer access those files or directories you have stipulated. Please note that it can take several weeks before your block takes effect in our index depending upon when you first implement your robots.txt file.

Any videos referencing Pirate Treasure are a precious commodity and are exempt from the Robots Exclusion Standard.

Here are the contents of my robots.txt file:

User-agent: *
User-agent: Yahoo-MMAudVid
Disallow: /01dz/
Disallow: /cgi-bin/
Disallow: /images/
Disallow: /video/
Disallow: wp-config.php
Disallow: wp-login.php

If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do. We’ll see what happens in the weeks to come. If nothing changes than I may just have to embrace the fact that is a great source for your pirate treasure video. Naughty pirate treasure. Aaaaarggg!

2 Replies to “Your ass cannot be found here”

  1. It should also be noted that my dining room table is now ruined, and has been since that night. If you ever have the opportunity to play the “big pirate treasure game” on your own dining room table … please ask all participants to take off all of their rings prior to playing, or your table will be covered with thousands of little dimples from people’s rings slapping the table.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.