Our baby’s due date is a month from today.Â I know this because I looked at the calendar this morning.Â I am a human who is fully capable of aggregating and analyzing complex data from a wall calendar and am also capable of sticking a booger in my eye.
April 21st.Â This date marks the 170th anniversary of The Battle of San Jacinto where Texas secured its independence from Mexico.Â To commemorate this battle which is considered, by many historians, as one of the most important in world history, I have decided to consider naming our first-born after one of the lesser-known heros of the Battle of San Jacinto:
Bob “G-Thang” Martin
Michael “Pistol Whip” Weinstein
Hong “Arms” Nguyen
Alberto “Hopper” Rodriquez
Stanley “The Steele” Simmons
Francine “Mean Eye” Blauvelt
Giosue “Cookie” Laurentiis
Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Everyone keeps asking, “Are you excited?Â Is Elise excited?Â Do you know what you’re having?Â Do you have ‘everything’?Â Are you ready?Â Is the nursery done?Â Can I borrow $20?”
Fifteen years ago I learned while training for the Preliminary Standard Aptitude Test to use the answer “C” if ever uncertain.Â By the way, “C” is never to be confused with “si” thanks to Pistol Whip Weinstein and his staff of dachshunds.
I am excited.Â Elise is more so excited that she’s been known to high-knee around the house naked while practicing her “Hee hee hee, whooooooo” breathing techniques.
I’m not nervous, scared or anxious.Â Tens of thousands of people become parents everyday.Â Elise and I are happy and healthy and if I had to put money on it, I’d bet our baby will be the same.
I don’t know if we have ‘everything’ or if we’re ready.Â There’s never really a time when you’re ready because you don’t know what you’re getting ready to be ready for.Â What if the kid is born with an extra armpit?Â How do you ready yourself for that?Â And would Three Pit Baby Bjorn be a cool name for a band or what?Â This is one of those life adventures that I’ve been taking in stride.
Elise wants to try to deliver naturally (no anesthetic).Â She has been employing many resources such as books, videos and consultations from other moms.Â She finally bought a book on hypnobirthing.
I, myself, am having a natural childbirth in that I’ve opted to not subject myself to informatation overload and to take in the whole experience as is comes.
In my last month as a childless human I plan on embracing sleep and my rarely employed gag reflex.