Monthly Maly Letter: Month 21

Dear Maly,

You turned 21-months-old this week. During this past month you’ve seemed to become a fully functioning, self-reliant human being. You’re starting to embrace your independence and take on life’s little challenges; like how many times can we all watch Finding Nemo in a single day.

You LOVE the movie Finding Nemo. It wouldn’t be a normal day if we didn’t hear the pitter patter of your feet as you come running from the other side of the house while exclaiming, “Nemo. Nemo. Nemo. Nemo. NEMO! NEMO!! NEMO!!! NEEEEEEEEEEEMO!!!!!!!!”

What’s funny is that although every member of this household has seen Finding Nemo a combined time of four hundred thousand times, your mom and I still enjoy watching it. In fact, we’ve decided that if we ever provide you with a sibling, his or her name will probably be named Nemo. That way we’re pretty much guaranteed you’ll eventually get sick of Nemo.

We thought you were going to be an Elmo kid, hence us getting practically everything Elmo for you for Christmas. Elmo’s got nothing on Nemo in this household. Although I am a little partial to the Elmo cell phone that I got for you. This little phone let me download a recording of Elmo saying your name. But of course you have a very unique name, Elmo thinks you’re a little Asian girl. “Ha ha! Hello, Elmo speaking! Oh, I’m so glad to hear from you… May Lee!”

This month you learned how to get out of your crib. When this first happened, your mom and I were baffled. It wasn’t until recently that we were able to witness your escape technique. I must say, I am quite impressed.

Another feat you have accomplished is turning doorknobs and opening doors. Why, just the other evening I was taking care of some paper work when you just barged into the bathroom. You walked right up beside me, pointed at the toilet and proudly said, “Poop!” Not one of my proudest moments, but a moment at which I was relatively proud of you. And just so you know, next on your hit parade is learning how to use the toilet.

Something really cute that you started doing this month is calling you mom Mommy. Up until recently it had always been Mama. It just sounds so much cuter and endearing whenever you say Mommy.


If I had to guess, I’d venture to say that you now know 90% of the letters of the alphabet. We play our alphabet game during bath time. I pick up a letter and say, “Maly, what’s this?” To which you usually say the right letter. After a few minutes you invariably get bored and resort to body surfing or demanding that we watch NEEEEEEEEMO! again.

You’ve also become very astute with your colors. You know blue, green, red, pink, purple, white, brown, yellow, orange, silver, gold and black. “Blue cup”, “Green spoon”, “White truck”, “Red choo choo train”.

Recently you’ve become very much a Mommy’s girl. I’ll come home from work in the evenings, excited to see you and play with you, but you don’t really seem to care much that I’m home. You usually start in on your quasi-witching hour when I get home. Eventually you’ll warm up after much coaxing on my part. I’ll give you your bath, brush your teeth and put your pajamas on, but after that, you go back into Mommy mode. I’ve tried on a few occasions to put you to bed, but you scream and cry for your mommy! I think this has a large part to do with your mom recently taking on a job for the better part of the week where you were at home with a nanny all day.


It wasn’t until tonight when I was finally able to have to privilege of putting you to sleep. We had the Fenders over for dinner and we all stayed up late. It was too late to take a bath, so I brushed your teeth and we walked into your room. You asked to read a book, so we read one book. You wanted to read another book, so you walked to the bookshelf and got the picture book that you and I would always read before I would put you to bed. After we finished that book, I told you it was time for night night. You grabbed Baby Gigi and I picked you up, ready to put you to bed. We went into the kitchen to give your mom a kiss goodnight. We walked back to your room and I put you in your crib. You had me put Gigi at the foot of your crib with Mickey, your teddy bear, bunny, baby and bear. Then you did something that I’ve only heard of. After I kissed my hand, put the kiss on your forehead and told you I loved you, you outstretched your arm and held your palm out to me. I knew to kiss your palm as this is Mommy’s and your ritual. I dutifully kissed your palm. You then outstretched your other arm and presented me with your palm, which I kissed as well.

That moment made me feel good. It felt like you had let me back into the club.

I’m so proud of you and so thankful that you’re my daughter. I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re getting into when they become a parent. You’ve made it for a blessed ride and I want you to know that I’m thankful for everything that you’ve taught me so far. I hope I’m doing the best to return that favor.

I love you, Sugar.

Love,

Daddy

The #1 way that a web hosting company can screw up

I received an email from Dreamhost this morning stating:

This is just a notice that your DreamHost Account has a balance of $208.95 (including any charges not
due until 2009-01-24), with $208.95 due (since 2008-12-24).

You also have $189.05 past due (owed since 2008-11-24), and if
by 2009-01-24 you do not pay at least the $189.05 part, your
account will be automatically suspended until payment is received.

WHAT DO YOU OWE MONEY FOR?

We have the last payment on this account to be $9.95 on 2007-12-24 00:18:41.

Since then the following charges have been made to the account:

2008-01-04 – $9.95 for “Domain Registrations” through 2009-01-11.
2008-01-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-02-23.
2008-02-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-03-23.
2008-03-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-04-23.
2008-03-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-04-23.
2008-04-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-05-23.
2008-05-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-06-23.
2008-05-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-06-23.
2008-06-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-07-23.
2008-06-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-07-23.
2008-06-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-07-23.
2008-06-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-07-23.
2008-07-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-08-23.
2008-08-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-09-23.
2008-08-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-09-23.
2008-09-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-10-23.
2008-10-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-11-23.
2008-11-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-12-23.
2008-11-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2008-12-23.
2008-12-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2009-01-23.
2008-12-24 – $9.95 for “My Strictly Business SALE!” through 2009-01-23.

After my “what the hell is going on?” email to their billing department bounced, I checked the Dreamhost Status blog to find their Billing Issues post.

Customers’ credit cards were charged, bank accounts were drafted (many were over-drafted). This is going to be very, very bad for Dreamhost. I’ll be curious to see how they redeem themselves. I think at least a free year of hosting services would be a decent start.

HDTV and the suckiness thus far

It’s 2:00 p.m. as I write this. 2:00 p.m. Keep that time in mind.

Elise and I got a HDTV for Christmas this year. It’s a nice TV, too. And we were really happy to get it. We brought it home and I got it all hooked up with our newly acquired HDTV digital cable from Time Warner. I quickly realized that I couldn’t get an HD signal through our existing TiVo box unit. The next day I did a little research and decided that I needed to get us a HD TiVo box. I decided that I was going to stop at Best Buy on the way home from work. But before doing so, I called TiVo to ask if there was anything I needed to do with my account if I was going to get the HD box. They said, “No. Everything will be the same. We’ll just charge you a one-time $199 fee to transfer your lifetime TiVo membership.” I quickly pointed out that that just wasn’t going to cut the mustard. I wasn’t about to pay $199 to keep something that I already paid $300 for in the first place 3 years ago. The rebuttal I received was along the lines of, “Ummm, well, I’m really sorry, sir.” So I asked to speak to someone else. My case was escalated to a client services representative. I calmly and politely plead my case and explained that I felt as if I was being treated unfairly. She concurred and waived the transfer fee.

Damn skippy. TiVo was about to have themselves a pissed off customer. Now I’m happy. Sort of.

During my research and upon purchasing the TiVo, I learned that you have to have CableCARDs for your HD TiVo box. Basically a CableCARD is like a de-scrambler that is inserted into the TiVo box and does away with the digital cable set-top box. I then called Time Warner and scheduled a technician to come out to get my old digital cable box and install the CableCARDs. I, being the lay person that I am, am not qualified to insert these CableCARDs into the clearly marked slots on the front of the TiVo box that says, in cryptic cable technician language, “INSERT CABLECARDS HERE”.

So I called Time Warner a week ago to have a technician come out today to install the CableCARDs. In the meantime, we’ve been without TiVo. We have learned in the past days that we sadly rely on TiVo more than we had realized. We actually had to watch our television shows at their regularly scheduled times. This meant that we heard, on more than one occasion a conversation like this:

“I’m going to go give our loving offspring a bath.”

“Um, the season premiere of The Apprentice comes on in like 8 minutes!”

“Okay.”

“She doesn’t need a bath this week.”

So a technician was supposed to be here between 8 a.m. and 12 p.m. today. I called Time Warner at noon to let them know that no one had showed to install these gem nugget CableCARDs. They told me someone would be calling me back within 15 minutes. An hour later I called back to let them know that still no one had showed up or called.

It is now 2:15 p.m. and I just received a call that the technician is on the way.

2:19. Cable guy is here. And there is much rejoicing as there will now be a clean child.

Year-end wrap-up

The girls and I spent Christmas at Mom’s this year. Christmas morning was a blast with Maly and, of course, the day was all about her. I filmed the majority of the morning and as all of the present opening was coming to an end, I thought, “Awesome! I have 53 minutes of Christmas morning present opening on film in HD!” Only to find out later when we watched what I had filmed that the majority of what I filmed was the side of my leg, the couch’s armrest or the bar stool in the kitchen. When I thought I had hit the record button, I was actually hitting pause.

Later that afternoon my uncle J.L. drove out to Mom’s house and shortly after, my other uncle Bill and cousins Shantel and Joshua came out. Mom, Elise and I made Christmas dinner and the seven of us sat down for a nice meal before the uncles and cousins headed back to the Houston area.

The girls and I headed back to Austin on Wednesday afternoon in time to put away most of the Christmas presents, have dinner and go to bed.

I worked on Thursday and Friday amid a virtually dead office as most folks took the entire week off.

The weekend was upon us again soon. Mom drove up to our house to watch Maly while Elise and I went to San Antonio for Adrian and Sarah’s rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal went well and dinner was great (I’ve forgotten the name of the restaurant at which we ate… something Oyster Bar). A few of us stayed late at the bar and before we knew it, it was pushing midnight. Elise and I left and got back to our house in Austin around 1 a.m.

On Sunday we all got up and ate breakfast. Mom, Maly and I went to the AT&T store to get the cell phone that we gave to Mom activated. Then we went to HEB for lunch and to get some eggs, milk, yadah yadah.

We got home in time for Elise and I to head out for San Antonio again for the big wedding. All went well; the ceremony and reception were both great and we now have a Mr. and Mrs. Adrian Gutierrez. The reception winded down around 11 p.m. Elise and I helped load gifts and decorations before we headed back to Austin. We used my newly acquired GPS, affectionately named Claudine, that Elise’s parents gave me for Christmas to navigate our way home by way of 281. We were driving my mom’s car which makes for very easy speeding. Traveling at 85 mph down a country rode, it wasn’t until it was about 30 feet in front of us when we both saw the imminent collision we were about to have with a deer. I swerved with break-neck speed and we barely missed the deer. For a split second I had come to terms with the fact that we were probably going to flip the car and either both be seriously injured or worse, die. Thankfully we were driving Mom’s car, so it stuck to the road and we remained unscathed. Elise then politely suggested that I didn’t have to drive so GOD DAMN FAST!!!

Hearts still aflutter, we stopped at a fireworks stand out in the middle of nowhere and loaded up on explosives for New Year’s eve. We arrived safely home and went to bed around 2 a.m.

Mom left New Year’s eve morning. I went to the grocery store and later made fennel gruyer potatoes gratin. Later that evening we all loaded up and went over to Marc and Cyndi’s to celebrate bringing in the New Year. We had an awesome pot luck dinner and vegged around and chatted while the kids tore up the Swendner house. Around 11 p.m. we went out onto the golf course where Chris and I shot off the fireworks that Elise and I brought. The New Year was among us without anyone’s knowledge as we were all outside in the cold, watching Chris’s and my amateur fireworks display.

We all went back inside and everyone yucked it up while yours truly conked out on the couch. At around 3 a.m., I was awoken by camera flashes and giggles. Seems there is no rest for the wicked.

So we had a great Christmas and New Year this year. We hope yours was as well.

New Years Queen

Quick Christmas dessert ideas

Tonight Elise made a Paula Dean inspired cheese fudge (yeah, that’s what I thought… but it’s actually GOOD!) Elise pounded the fudge into a baking dish and then I drizzled it with melted caramel and white chocolate. We’ll wait to see how it turns out tomorrow.

Last night I made eggnog for Mom and Elise (complete with whiskey). I’m not an eggnog guy. But just to make sure I didn’t completely spike Mom and El’s drinks, I sampled Elise’s. Yeah, I still don’t like eggnog. But I immediately realized a cooking idea: Southern Comfort eggnog brûlée.

So, quick tips for Christmas hits: Cheese fudge and SoCo eggnog brûlée requires 1) An oven 2) eggnog and 3) egg yolks. You’ll have to ask if you want to know how to cook the brûlée! ;-)

Merry Christmas!

Neighborly comfort food

Elise, Maly and I went over to the Fenders last night for dinner. Julie made her family recipe tacos. When Elise told me on Tuesday that we were having tacos at the Fender’s house on Thursday night, I thought it was going to be simple store-bought taco shells with ground beef, and all the extras. By the time I got home from work and walked two houses down, Julie was in the kitchen making tacos on a flat top grill.

Rob and I got to talking shop and playing with the kids. Soon enough, it was time for dinner. I neglected to poke my head into the kitchen or over Julie’s shoulder to see what she was doing. And I’m glad I didn’t. Just between Rob and myself, we probably put back 20 tacos. I have a new favorite food: Julie’s tacos. She used corn tortillas and lightly sauteed them with the meat and cheese so the shells were soft and the insides were gooey and meaty. Definitely a new-found comfort food. It’s right up there with Mom’s steak sandwiches and Elise’s tuna fish sandwiches.

A little bit of Cat Spring in Austin

The other day I was looking for a spot at which to have lunch. I thought about it for a bit and remembered a restaurant that I pass by on the way home from work every evening. So Taylor and I walked a few blocks for lunch at the Rio Grande restaurant on Third and San Jacinto. Great food, really cool atmosphere, and an all-around great restaurant that happens to be the MTV Real World Austin house from the 2005 series. And what’s best is that the bar is made from a storm damaged cedar tree from Cat Spring, which is the town in which I spent my formative and some of my most memorable years. It’s really cool to know there’s a spot near my downtown stomping grounds where I can go and get some good food and a little taste of home at the same time.

Monthly Maly Letter: Month 20

Dear Maly,

You turned 20-months-old today. The big 2-0. You’re becoming such a cute and wonderful little person who interacts and learns more and more as each day passes. Your also entering that toddler and sponge stage where you’re really testing your boundaries and your Mom’s and my reactions.

Lets see… new milestones this month: You’re starting to put together small sentences. You can say things like, “Daddy’s eyes”, “blue lights”, “go bye bye”, “Maly poop” and “is this seriously what I’m having for dinner? Seriously?!?!”

You love jewelry. Despite your Mom’s penchant for wanting to instill some kind of tomboy quality in you, you’re all about pink and everything that is girly. And I totally indulge you in your girly efforts. The further I can keep you from the fast-pitch softball field, the better. Not that there’s anything wrong with fast-pitch softball.

Nowadays you don’t go anywhere without your “beads”. You received some plastic beads from a recent birthday party we attended and also from trick-or-treating on Halloween. You LOVE to wear your beads everywhere we go. You insist on wearing your beads as much as humanly possible. This Christmas, I’m going to get you more cheap costume than you’ll know what to do with. And Elmo.

Elmo. You love Elmo. You point at the TV, even when Elmo’s not on and say, “Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. ELMO? ELMO? ELMO?? ELLLLLLLLLMOOOOOOOOO!!!??!??!?!?” When we go to the store and happen upon anything Elmo, you point and insist upon engaging in Elmo. Elmo. Got it.

I love the fact that you seem to be preprogrammed to be a girly girl. But you also love watching football on TV. This past month your Mom has usually taken a portion of her Saturday for some “Mama time”, where she’ll either go shopping or just get out of the house for some alone time. This means you and I hang out alone at the house. Whenever you wake up from your nap, usually around 3 p.m., I pick you up from out of your crib and give you a big hug, kiss and tell you that I love you. You indulge me for a few precious moments and then pull yourself away and look at me with a big grin and ask, “ball?!?!” To which I respond, “Yes. Ball!!” And I take you into the living room where we both watch whatever college football game I had been watching while you napped.

And you sit there and watch football with me. It’s awesome. It makes me so happy to hang out with my little girl on a Saturday afternoon and spend an hour watching football. And whenever there’s a good, helmet-crushing, mid-field tackle on a pass reception, you exclaim, “BOOM!!!”

Unfortunately this month greeted you and me with some disciplinary issues. You’ve entered the “Slapping Phase”. And I’ve entered the “Am I a Good Daddy?” phase. Your Mom, you and I were at HEB earlier this month and while in the frozen foods section, you and I had some sort of altercation. I don’t remember the specifics, but I generally use my calm, best judgment and rectify hostile situations with calm, reserved and resourceful tactics. You crossed the line and deliberately slapped me. My gut instinct stepped in. I picked you up in my left arm and spanked you once with my right hand. I have spanked you maybe twice before but with only a tad bit more force than you are accustomed to while we play, so I don’t think you had known you’d been spanked prior to this occasion. This time I hauled off and spanked you so you would know you were spanked. You’re body jolted and froze. You cringed. You immediately screamed and cried. In HEB. In public. Your Mom didn’t say a word. I felt bad, but it was what I felt needed to be done. Your Mom was there and was able to console you after our altercation, which eased my burden to an exent. She urged me to explain why I had spanked you and to tell you that I loved you, which I did. But you weren’t happy with me after that incident.

Unfortunately that wasn’t our only “incident” this month. Just last week you and I were at the house while your Mom was out for the day. You insisted on pulling out the bamboo sticks that are used as guides to keep one of the house plants growing in a vertical direction. I explained to you, “Maly, please leave these sticks in the pot. They’re here for a reason.” After the third, calm request on my part, you hauled off and slapped me. I immediately grabbed the guilty hand and calmly said, “Hands are not for hitting. You do not hit another person unless you are defending yourself.” Yeah, it’s too much for you to understand right now, but I’m getting you started early and training myself to be consistent. You went back to the bamboo stick and pulled it out of the soil. I repeated the calm process again. And you slapped me again. I then decided to employ my “remove the child from the situation” tactic by picking you up, throwing you into the air and catching you while exclaiming, “weeee!!!” Once you came back into my arms from a quick flight, you arched your back, pulled yourself away from me and slapped me again. So I did what my gut told me again. I hated to do it, but I held you with my left hand and spanked you with my right. And I spanked you hard. Again, you cringed, your body jolted and then froze upon impact. You immediately started crying. And it was at that point where I came to a fork in the road. I decided to be firm with my decision and not cave to immediately nurture you and apologize.

With you still in my left arm out-stretched, I walked you to your room as if I had just cleaned the litter box. I sat you down facing your window and I said, “You’re going to take a time out.” I don’t know how I feel about the “time out” thing, but that’s just what I felt like doing at the time. So there you sat. For two whole minutes that felt like an eternity to me. I closed the door and quietly paced while I listened to you sob.

I walked back into your room after I had calmed down. I sat down next to you and put my arm around you. You were still sobbing. You were doing that sobbing thing where you inhale three quick breaths and then exhale in a long breath. You were really sobbing as you had been hurt. I felt like I was the worst parent in the world at that point. I felt as if I had done you wrong. There I was, your Daddy, the person who is supposed to protect you and yet, I was the one who hurt you. I felt like I was an inch tall at that moment.

I picked you up and rested your head on my shoulder. I told you that I loved you and again, that hands were not for hitting. Until you get your yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do and it is your job to pummel your opponent.

We quickly made amends. And you haven’t since slapped me.

Just wait until you’re a Mom and you’ll understand this dilemma. Until then, please know that I’m trying as best I can with the tools that I’ve been give and the undying love that I have for you. I’m trying to give you those same tools with my own interpretations and modifications. I want you to be better than me. Albeit, that’s probably pretty easy seeing how you eat better and bathe more frequently than I do. You get my point. Hopefully. If not, hopefully you will one day.

I love you, Sugar. More than you will ever know.

Love,

Daddy

Day three sans Mama

Elise has been in Vegas, partying it up with her friends since Sunday. My mom came up to stay with Maly and me on Saturday. Every morning Maly calls for “Mama, Mama?!” To which we both have to assure her that Mama is coming back. One day. We hope.

It’s interesting to experience how much Maly has changed without her mom around. She’s pushing buttons that have never been pushed before. And I’m sure it’s much harder for my mom during the day while I’m at work. Maly really misses her Mama, and it’s kind of sad to see her miss her mom so much and the emotional toll it’s taking on her. My mom has taken on that maternal replacement roll because of that whole maternal thing, which leaves me to scratch my head and kind of take a back seat while I try to make fire with dried out Christmas tree limbs.

Hopefully I can set something in the living room on fire soon enough to distract Maly from the lack of Mama-ness.

Praiseuth goeth unto the DreamHost .snapshotuth

I was catching up on Julie’s blog last night and starting leaving a comment on one of her posts. As I was doing so, I was distracted by my old Blogger.com account settings. I started clicking around blindly… yadah yadah, I set my Blogger.com index.php file to overwrite my Janicek.com index.php file (I got about that far into the conversation with Elise tonight as to why Janicek.com has been down for 24 hours when she said, “uhhmmm, yeah, I think we’re done with this conversation).

So, the website was down last night and all day today. I don’t really remember where I changed the settings in my old Blogger.com account nor what I might have clicked on. So I sent an email to DreamHost support last night stating that, “I did something to break the Internet”. To which they replied, “Josh, we have contacted Al Gore directly and he is personally looking into this issue. If you’re unable to write a newsletter on your website to your daughter in two weeks, the cow farts will have won. And we can’t have that. We’ll fix the Internet!”

So I figured everything out tonight. I had, in fact, broken the Internet. And because of this, you should be receiving emails shortly informing you that your pocket python is now of satisfactory length and dexterity AND that I HAVE AM HEREBY CONTACTING YOU TO URGENTLY TO INQUIRE ABOUT AN OFFICIAL PRIVATE AND TRUSTWORTHY BUSINESS TRANSACTION BETWEEN YOURSELF AND MYSELF is a DONE DEAL!!! We’ll all be getting our payouts next week! Via PAYpaL! Click Here: 12.162.162.251. (IT Is good link. Trust me. It seccured.)

The Internet has broken in the past. And I fixed it. Now the Internet can be fixed even faster and easier because DreamHost allows for faster and easier Internet fixing.

You can now return to whatever it was that you were doing. We’re fine here now.