Elise had her Every Other Monday Church Girls Night last night. My plan was to settle onto the couch and watch a program (pronounced “pro-gruhm”). This is what actually happened, which isn’t at all unlike any other night.
I’m tired of Netflix and Amazon Prime Video and Google TV. I’m tired of paying for them. I’m tired of having to subscribe to everything. Recently I asked ChatGPT (who, by the way, I’m convinced, at some point in the not-too-distant future, is going to leave me in a bathtub full of ice and I’ll find myself shivering and with my spleen removed) to give me a recommendation for a progruhm about outdoor adventures, hunting, fishing, animal and land converservation. It recommended Waypoint TV. That, of course, is an app that you have to download onto your TV. I need another app like I need another colonoscopy. I had my first colonoscopy just a few months ago. I don’t need another colonoscopy until the year 2036.
My colon’s health aside (it is a healthy colon, in case you were wondering. I have photo evidence.) I downloaded Waypoint TV and I fired it up last night. I was excited to watch Winchester Life only to find that it would only play audio 50% of the time. There would be dialog for a minute, then silence for a minute. I experienced this revolutionary technology advancement in television viewing while I ate my entire cup full of peanut butter cup ice cream. It was the ice cream that I was planning on enjoying while I watched a progruhm with uninterupted dialog.
I tossed the remote onto the coffee table and exclaimed to the empty room how I was done with this @#$#%ing technology. But it was only 8:00 p.m. and I didn’t get the reward of watching something on TV. So I settled on watching the recorded episode of yesterday’s Wheel of Fortune. At least that still worked.
I really miss the days when we only had 5 channels and no remote control. The channels were usually:
- Something I don’t want to watch
- Something else I don’t want to watch
- Something else I don’t want to watch
- Something else I don’t want to watch
- Wheel of Fortune
And I’m longing for the day, that I’m sure will be very soon, when I’m going to take my iPhone and the Alexa with a screen out to the backyard and sink and arrow into them both. I’ll probably ask Alexa and Siri if they have any last words. I don’t really care what those words will be, but I’ll probably document them for posterity.
And then I’ll probably need a new spleen.