I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing 20 years ago on September 24th, but I know now that my life was about to get fully flipped upside down.
Twenty years ago on September 5th I learned that I was being laid off from my job.
Twenty years ago Elise and I had an infant daughter.
Twenty years ago Elise and I were new homeowners with a mortage that required the majority of my paycheck.
Twenty years ago, two days from now, I had no reason to think that my dad was going to die.
Forty years ago my dad told me that all he wanted for me was to do better than him. I didn’t know what that meant at that time. I’d always thought that that meant be more successful at work and make more money than he did.
I don’t think that’s what he meant. I look up at the stars a lot and I ask him. I’ve done this every day for two days shy of 20 years now. He hasn’t answered me yet. I don’t know if he ever will. But I think he knows I’ll figure it out.
But it is so goddamn hard. It is a quiet burden that I bear. And I always will.