Elise’s longtime friend, Heather and her four-year-old daughter, Juliet made their annual trip to Austin from Des Moines last week. I was outnumbered by females and soon realized that one day my own daughter will be old enough to be reasoned with. She will say things like, “No. No. No. No. NooooOOOOO!” and be the primary reason for my penchant for Zoloft and vodka.
On Monday night while prepping pork loin pinwheels for dinner I needed some extra toothpicks to use to keep the pinwheels closed for cooking. My hands were dirty with swine juice so I decided to try to employ a four-year-old girl.
“Hey, Juliet. Come over here and help me real quick.”
“No.”
“Please. I need your help.”
“No.”
“Juliet. Seriously. I need you to come over here and get a couple toothpicks for me. My hands are dirty.”
“No.”
“Puleeeeeeeease?”
“No.”
“Come ‘ere.”
“No.”
“Santa Clause hates you. You know that, right?”