You cry, and I mean cry, while listening to “Cats in the cradle”
You haven’t worn a watch in ten years and you buy one because you know you will have to time contractions at any moment
Due to budgetary constraints, instead of the $37.88 Timex IndigloÂ® that you think is REALLY RAD you opt for the $11.88 Sam Walton design “Bum Equipment” watch. And you have to buy said watch at the exclusive Wal*Mart jewelry kiosk because, God forbid you walk away with precious imported merchandise.
Since you haven’t worn a watch in ten years you create a complex spreadsheet and save it on the middle of your desktop as “Contractometer.xls”
You become worthless at work
You hang on every word out of your mom or dad’s mouth
You think Lactation Consultant would be a cool name for a band