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Josh’s Boric Bar

We have ants. Big ants. They used to be small and cute. Over the past week they’ve grown into the winged variety that rival our cats in size.

We all coexisted for a while. They finally pissed me off. They were hogging the couch, insistent on watching reruns of Sex and the City and they drank all of my Dr. Pepper. I decided to kill them as I would with any other house guest who has worn out their welcome.

After reading up on how to rid yourself of those of the Hymenoptera order, I decided on treating our guests to a boric acid cocktail. I sent Sue to the pharmacy yesterday to pick up a bottle of boric acid. Killing something with acid is something I’ve always kept high on my perpetual to-do list.

I came home from work, compounded my own queen killing concoction and fed them all. Last night there were many. This morning there were few. Tonight there should be none. If it doesn’t work, I’m trying napalm.


Ants on our kitchen counter dining on my boric acid solution

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Lists and free thinking

I’m big on lists. I always have been. I’ve always had to write things down. I always have a tangible to do list. Back in my grade school and college days, I kept a pocket day calendar either in my back pocket or in my backpack. I used my pocket calendar to note homework assignments and project due dates. I don’t know why I stopped carrying one. Maybe that’s why I’m not as organized as I used to be.

Elise and I use Ta-da list. I use it for everything: Things that need to get done around the house, shopping lists, recipe ideas, gadgets that I think I can’t live without, music I want to remember to buy from the iTunes music store, gift ideas and reminders in general.

When the weather changes for the better, in this case, spring, I like to turn over a new leaf and get aggressive with our finances and my regular intake of folic acid. I attribute this to many things. Two of which are as follows:

  1. The IRS got us again this year. I changed my W4 at work to Single claiming 0 dependents. That means that there is a very noticeable amount being taken out of my paycheck each month.
  2. I’ve been reading this 26-year-old’s blog.

In an effort to save cash, we have adopted two short-term goals:

  1. Not eat out as much
  2. Cut corners

Cutting corners was stemmed by my regular paying of the bills. We pay what I think is too much for our auto insurance with Famers. I have a separate policy through Progressive for my motorcycle. I have full coverage on the bike and, in my opinion, don’t pay very much. I decided to call Progressive today to get a quote for our other vehicles. Their ‘suggested’ policy would save us nearly $60 a month.

I didn’t have my policy coverage paperwork from Farmers with me at the time that I called Progressive. So before I buy a policy from Progressive, I need to compare all of the policy information from both companies.

I noted this in my Ta-da list: Compare Progressive quote with Farmers.

After reading that I thought it sounded funny. It reminded me of my days as a scholar, the days in the classroom where we would discuss great literary works. “Compare progressive quote with farmers”. Forward-thinking rhetoric compiled and scrutinzed by those who plant, sow, cultivate, raise lifestock, etc.

Next item on Ta-da list: Quit being retarded.

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Burritos

I was reading an article on Chipotle (the restaurant) the other day. The very first sentence read “If you walk into Chipotle on 34th Street in Manhattan at lunchtime, you will have to wait in line.” I thought: “Why?” and half-assed read the rest of the article. I’ve eaten at Chipotle. Put a Freebirds in Manhattan. That’ll fix ’em.

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Poblano burger and fixed socket

Poblano burger and fixed socket

Last night Elise and I cooked dinner together. I put my wife to work as fry cook. She made homemade French fries. I whipped up a Cascabel and chipotle mayonnaise to go with hamburgers topped with Monterey Jack cheese and grilled poblano peppers. The burgers were great but we always wind up eating during the part of Fear Factor where the contestants are having to drink rotted beef blended with maggots.

After a fed up consult with my Ta-da list, I called an electrician yesteday. This morning I had an electrician come out to the house to troubleshoot the faulty plugs in both bathrooms and at the front porch.

This wasn’t your everyday electrician either. I had a master electrician by the name of Harry Swimme drive out. If I had to guess, I’d say Mr. Swimme is 86 years young. He has the finger dexterity and eye-hand coordination that could probably put a 13 year old Xbox champion to shame. Mr. Swimme is a great converstionalist too. He’d told me stories about ‘back in the day’. He’s been an electrician for 62 years! He bought his first house for $16,000 and sold it for $200,000. He bought his second house for $18,000 and sold it for over $300,ooo.

Anyway – $75 later I had a great conversation with a pro and a happy wife because she can blow dry her hair in the bathroom again!

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Angels by my arms

I had the oddest dream this morning. Very rarely do I remember my dreams. This was one of those dreams that shook me so hard that it woke me up. It felt all too real. When I did wake up, I didn’t want to open my eyes because I felt as if something was watching me.

I was driving the Expedition with my Dad in the passenger seat. We were driving down a street in a neighborhood that looked like the one in which I grew up. It was late in the evening, dark outside and the street lights were not on. Dad and I had been engaged in some very relaxed, casual discussion. There was a pause in the conversation. Nothing abnormal. Just comfortable silence.

I had the radio on at a barely audible level. The radio slowly started to get louder. It wasn’t a noticable increase in volume until I realized that we could actually hear what was on the radio. It got louder and louder, but not deafening. Thinking nothing of it, I reached to turn the radio down. At the moment at which I reached for the stereo’s volume knob, I felt something touch my arm. It wasn’t Dad as he was sitting quietly, unmoved in the passenger seat.

It was an very disturbing and real feeling. Something had touched me.

While having a paranormal encounter feeling, I began to pull my arm back toward me and away from the stereo. I noticed an old, dark colored, non-descript, very large sedan driving very slowly in front of us – like it was guiding us. I also noticed that something had turned my headlights off. I know longer had, nor did I concern myself with controlling the vehicle. At that exact moment (this is all happening in the blink of an eye) both of my arms are being held ever so softly. But there are no hands – just the sensation. There are soft hands moving up and down the entire length of both of my arms. The sensations move up and down my arms like liquid. The hands are maternally warm – the warmth that is known only from a mother’s womb. They were infant hands. I know this because I could feel them individually on each arm. I don’t know how many there were because the sensation was overwhelming. The feeling was so disturbing yet unhumanly soothing at the same time. The stimuli washed throughout my entire body and gently traveled up my spine, behind both ears and into my head in a tingling wave. The feeling of peace overcame me. I had never felt so comfortable even though I didn’t know what it was that I was feeling.

A sudden feeling of fear overcame me. I pulled off of the road and into a parking lot. I know Dad got out of the truck but I didn’t know where he went. I exited the truck and turned back to look at where I had just been sitting. There was an apparition looking back at me. It spoke to me.

I don’t remember what the being said. I don’t remember if it even spoke. I don’t think I’m supposed to remember. However, it did communicate with me and it gave me something. It seems weird, but I think it gave me some sort of intangable document – like an insurance claim. It communicated to me that it wanted me to help it, right a wrong or never let something like this happen to another family. Someone or something had allowed those loving children to die. Those were the hands that were holding my arms and trying to comfort me. They were angels.

It was at that point when I woke myself up. When I woke up, I felt the same sensations that I had just felt in my dream. Something had comforted me but had also placed a burden in my hands. I laid in bed awake with my eyes closed. I was still scared, yet still at peace.

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The Salt Lick, yard work & red hot chile peppers

I shopped for land on my way home from work on Friday evening. I drove down Fall Creek Road between Llano County and home. I found a 2 acre lot that I didn’t like. The Texas hill country is very, very rocky. Elise and I would love to own a small plot of land and I figured it’s never to early to start shopping. I’d like to be a small time rancher one day – maybe have an exotic game farm.

When I got into Austin, I drove around to pick up John’s birthday presents. After that, went home and guarded the TV.

Elise had to work most of the day on Saturday. I raked leaves, fertilized the lawn, pruned the crepe myrtle, spreaded mulch and potted three really cool willow plants that I picked up at Central Market a few weeks ago and put a wireless VPN router up for sale on Ebay. After all of that hard work, I treated myself to a 1GB iPod shuffle.

Elise came home around 5 and we headed out through the nasty drizzle to meet up with friends for dinner at The Salt Lick. Despite the horrible weather, the restaurant was packed. The Salt Lick provides a great atmosphere but Elise and I have never been true fans of the food. This time the food was fantastic (although we’re true Rudy’s fans). We were very impressed that our service and food was top notch given the crowd and the weather.

Elise and I ran into our neighbors as we were leaving the restaurant and stopped to chat for a while. On the way home we stopped at Blockbuster and rented Garden State. Awesome movie.

Elise went to church Sunday morning. I updated HartzVictims.org with a very disturbing post. Elise came home and we went for a late lunch at Hill’s Cafe (great comfort food). Elise had the pork loin plate. I had the Redneck Philly sandwich.

After lunch we drove back to Oak Hill so I could pick up some goodies at Wyatt’s Nursery. I’m going for a full-on pepper garden this year (I had great luck last year) – Anaheims, cayennes, habeneros, jalapenos and poblanos. I’ve been doing a lot of research on chile peppers and am really excited about a fruitful summer – a lot of sweat from not only gardening in the Texas heat, but also some new culinary endeavors.

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Glowing Time of Neversleep

There’s not many things that bother me. One of those ‘not many things’ is being made aware of time should I wake up sometime during the night.

Scenario: Josh awakes from a deep slumber sometime during the night to see a man about a horse. On the way, Josh accidentally sees the clock on the dresser and notes that it is 5:47 a.m.

“That leaves me around an hour to sleep”

I can never go back to sleep after seeing the clock. I will lay in bed and think “I’ll bet I have less than an hour to sleep now.” “I wonder how much longer now.” “If I open my eyes, I’ll bet I could see that the blinds are starting to glow from the early morning light.”

It always, ALWAYS happens. It could be 1:30 a.m.: “I only have five hours left to sleep.”

I might doze off, but for some reason I become stressed and overly concious of time. I hate it. It’s a disease.

We bought our house a little over a year ago. With the house came a water softener. Water Softener is smart as it does its brining thing very early in the morning. When Smart Water Softener is all out of salt, it likes to call out: BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEEEP.

It’s not a quiet beep either. Invariably your humble narrator gets out of bed to silence Water Softener. This very thing happened just this morning – early this morning…

I, the Dark Knight, rose from slumber after I’d heard the taunting, roaring BEEEEEP coming from the Soft Water Dragon who was bellowing from within the Guhraj Dungeon.

This quest was two-fold: Silence Soft Water Dragon and be not blinded by the Glowing Time of Neversleep.

I slowly rose to my feet and checked my armor (that’s knight talk for scratched my nether regions). Stealthily I made my way to the far side of Kitt Chun Island where I attained a trusty lantern from the Drawer de los Junke.

I continued my journey to the Guhraj Dungeon along the south shore of Kitt Chun Island. My peripheral caught light from one of Neversleep’s glowing minions. Wearily I looked away, traveled onward toward the beep and avoided the spell of Neversleep.

Before long I found myself at a tall door that separated me from Guhraj Dungeon and Soft Water Dragon. I flung open the heavy door, shined my lantern into the eyes of the dragon, checked my armor again and farted.

While the dragon was momentarily distracted, I quickly lifted his armor chest plate and with grace and precision, pressed the “Silence Soft Water Dragon” button.

Alas, the kingdom was quiet. It was time for this Dark Knight to check his armor again and make his way home.

Exhausted, I traveled back the way I came as this was what I thought the safest route. Traveling west along the south bank of Kitt Chun Island I came across two minions of glowing time. My will power prevailed as I looked away and traveled toward my lair. It was upon crossing the threshold of my own chamber where I was confronted, head on, by the evilest of Neversleep minions: Redglow of St. Sleepsnomore.

I harnessed my Dark Knight powers, checked my armor one last time, closed my eyes, found my way back to my cot and made no eye contact with Redglow.

I silenced the Soft Water Dragon and had not been blinded by the Glowing Time of Neversleep. I was home and safe to slumber. I knew not of time, could easily fall back to sleep and be well rested for the day ahead.

“That dragon, oh, how he angers me when he bellows in the cold, early mornings!” I victoriously proclaimed.

My princess stirred and responded: “Yes, especially at 4 o’clock in the morning.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.”

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A death, a degree and a baptism

The past few days have been hectic. Thursday morning I learned that Tom died. On Friday Elise and I went to my parents’ house. Our mission was to work cows Saturday morning. We woke up to cold rain and had to give the cows a raincheck. We’ll have to go back another time to help my parents.

We left Mom & Dad’s Saturday evening to go to Adrian‘s graduation party (he recently earned his Master’s Degree). Adrian came up with a couple good games for all of is to play and it was really nice to meet some of Adrian’s family and friends.

We left Bellville close to 10 p.m. and headed back to Austin in rain. We got back to Austin around midnight. I stayed up until 2 a.m. getting stuff ready for Jack’s baptism later that morning. Elise stayed up until closer to 4.

The alarm sounded too early. We both got out of bed and started to load everything to take to John’s aunt and uncle’s house. Sunday morning was hectic. To spare the details, we made it to church on time for Sunday service and Jack’s baptism. Elise and I are officially Godparents.

The reception went well, we were exhausted and still are exhausted. We both fell asleep around 8:30 last night.

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Rain when he dies

A friend of mine died early this morning. I don’t want to think about it now. I was very inspired to think and write shortly after I cried on the way home from work, but not now.

I’m upset right now because I should have called him… A friend that I hadn’t seen in years and had just thought of this past weekend.

I had so many questions for him – and so many more now that he’s gone.

With quivering knees I stood in the garage this evening and listened to tapes we had made together ten years ago. Just like he and I did ten years ago.

I miss you Tom.

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Random image banner for Kubrick

I moved Janicek.com from Blogger to WordPress 1.x earlier this month because 1) I wanted my publishing software to be on my server versus Blogger’s server and 2) because I really liked the clean design of Michael Heilemann’s Kubrick template for WordPress.

Due to its popularity, Kubrick is now the default theme for WordPress 1.5. Owen Winkler created a great tool called Kubrickr that “lets you replace that giant blue blob at the top of your WordPress 1.5 blog with a nice photo from Flickr.”

I personally like having random photos that we’ve taken or are meaningful to us for our website’s mast.

Here’s how to create your own random header images for your Kubrick-themed weblog using Photoshop:

Download Kubrick 1.2.6 and unzip.

Open ‘Kubrick Theme.psd’ in Photoshop (I’ve done these steps using Photoshop 5.5 & 7 in Windows and Photoshop CS on my iBook).

You only want to concern yourself with the ‘Blue Header’ layer (should be the fourth layer from the top).

Highlight the ‘Blue Header’ layer and select it with the Magic Wand Tool.

Select the Blue Header

Copy your selection (Ctrl+C, Command+C, Edit > Copy, what have you)

Open the photo(s) you want to use for your header. Note: your header image is going to be 720 x 182 pixels, your photo should be at least that.

Paste the copied ‘Blue Header’ layer onto your photo and change the opacity of your Blue Header to 50% so you can see your image in the background and position Blue Header to your liking.

Position the Blue Header

Once you have your Blue Header positioned, change the opacity back to 100%.

Use the Magic Wand Tool to select the Blue Header layer. Now highlight the background layer in your layers palette.

Select your background layer

Copy (Ctrl+C, Command+C or Edit > Copy) the background selection.

Open ‘kubrickheader.jpg’ (Kubrick v1.2.6/images) in Photoshop.

Paste your selection onto ‘kubrickheader.jpg’ and position accordingly.

Paste selection onto kubrickheader.jpg

Save your new header as whatever you like (I would name this one zebraheader.jpg). If you’re not going to have random images (new image upon page refresh), save it as kubrickheader.jpg and upload to yourwebsite.com/wp-content/themes/default/images

Congratulations. You have a custom header.

If you want rotating images, download Automatic’s image rotator and upload the script (rotator.php) to:
yourwebsite.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/rotator/ (create ‘rotator’ directory).

Upload all of your header images (see steps above) to your rotator folder. Rotator.php and your header images must be in the same folder.

Now to change your WordPress template:

For WordPress 1.5 login to your WordPress installation. Presentation > Theme Editor and click Header Template on the right.

Look about halfway down through the code and you will see: /images/kubrickheader.jpg

Change to: /images/rotate/rotate.php

That’s it!

Let me know if you have any problems or questions.