Turkey legs and holy water

I took Thursday and Friday of last week off so we could spend a long weekend in Des Moines for Maly’s baptism and to visit with Elise’s family.

Steve and Joanne picked us up from the airport and engulfed Maly in the fighting-for-possession-grandparent-death-hug. It was fun to watch and we couldn’t blame them; they hadn’t seen Maly since she was two weeks old.

We drove over to Elise’s parents’ house just in time to catch up with Grandma T. and break in Steve’s new gas grill with some salmon filets and put Maly to sleep. After dinner Steve and I went to Dahl’s for a bottle of scotch and returned to the house so the girls could go to the grocery store for less important things like actual groceries. The men stayed back in case Maly woke up. When the girls got home we all congregated in the kitchen and talked until 2 a.m.

We got a late start on Friday. Grandma came over with bagels from Panera and Steve cooked bratwursts on the grill. After dilly dallying until noon, Elise and I left Maly with her Great, Gran and Grandpa and we had a day to ourselves at the Iowa State Fair. We walked the Grand Concourse and took a ride on the Skyglider when we first arrived. I don’t remember where all we went but we went into a little flea market area and to a barn to see the 3090 lb. Brangus bull. We went to another barn to hear a children’s joke telling contest. We went to a building to view all of the photography submissions on exhibit. I think it was at that point that we needed some state fair grub. I have to have a smoked turkey leg at a fair to remind myself of why I rarely eat turkey legs. Elise sat down to a pork chop sandwich, apple sauce and pork and beans. We stayed out of the heat long enough to regroup and head back out into the crowd. We went on a boat ride through “Ye Old Mill” – a pitch black and slow ride that lends itself to complete blindness and bruised foreheads for those seeking to endulge in the way of the smoochiness.

It was getting late at that point. We walked around the fairway for a while and mosied among the people who should not be legally permitted to wear shorts in public. We stopped and bought ice cream and sat on the curb to watch more people. We decided to call it a night and head home. We walked all the way down Capitol Ave. to find that we parked Joanne’s car in front of a fire hydrant. We had a ticket waiting for us under the windshield wiper.

We drove back to Steve and Joanne’s where they all ate sandwiches. I was still full from my charred jumbo yard bird leg. We stayed up late again and talked a lot about my current job situation. We hashed a lot of things over and I heard some great and reassuring stories from Steve and Joanne. Then it was off to bed.

Elise and her mom went to a baby shower that Elise’s childhood friends threw for her. I’m certain they cooed and giggled and frolicked and talked about how sexy Elise’s husband is. While they all did that, Steve and I went to pick up some ink jet cartridges and then to Zook’s to check out some iron horses. I’m eyeing an Ultra Classic Electra Glide. After oggling over motorcycles we headed back to the house for a late lunch and to wait for the girls to come home.

Once the girls got home, we drove Sacred Heart in West Des Moines for mass and for Maly to be baptised. For the majority of the mass I had to walk around the lobby of the church because my horns kept poking out daughter started making a fuss. While distracting Maly by walking around and peeking my head back into church, Heather’s little daughter, Juliet started following me around. She reached her hand up near where I was holding Maly next to the door and that’s where her hand found the holy water font. Juliet also just happened to have a temporary tattoo from the fair in her other hand.

“Can we use that water to put my tattoo on?”


“Why not?”

“Because it’s holy water.”


“And because Jesus doesn’t like tattoos.”

“Why not?”

“I guess because he couldn’t afford one himself”


“Can we use this water to put my tattoo on?”


“Why not?”

Paybacks stink, don’t they? Come on… let’s use the sink in the bathroom.”

After mass a lot of Steve and Joanne’s friends and members of the church stayed for Maly’s baptism. The ceremony was performed by Father Remi who is from Nigeria. I grinned each time he said, “Brooduhs and seestuhs” and when he referred to my daughter as “Moddy Eedizibud”, I secretly wished that, even though it wouldn’t be of the same culture, that Father would have said “Hooray!

After the cermony we all had a nice reception in the church’s meeting room. We had cold cuts, Hors D’oeuvres, punch, wine and cake.

After the reception we took Maly to Gran and Grandpa’s house to go to sleep. Elise and I drove over to Eric and Kim’s new house and talked in the living room until it was time to go to bed. Elise and I drove back to Steve and Joanne’s and went to bed.

We had a huge breakfast on the deck Sunday morning and the better part of the day was spent visiting with everyone. Steve and I spent a good while swapping all of the digital photos we had taken on separate cameras over the course of the weekend.

Sunday flew by and before we knew it, we were standing in the Des Moines airport saying goodbye to Steve and Joanne. The first leg of our flight coincided with Maly’s bath and bedtime so she let the plane know that she wasn’t happy with having to be on a plane. There was a couple sitting a few rows in front of us that glanced back at us whenever Maly would cry and give us “the look”. Said look is generally given by people who don’t have/like children and usually tend to warrant having their eyes gouged out with grapefruit spoons and fed to them with a habanero aioli.

The second leg of the flight from DFW to San Antonio was peaceful as Maly slept and we evesdropped on the ladies behind us who talked about theatre in Manhattan and foyers.

We didn’t get home until almost midnight and were both sad that a long, relaxing weekend had to come to an end.

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