Full circle: the poo saga

I met with my boss for a an hour on Friday. I’m lucky if I see my boss once a month. He was happy with the company’s numbers and gave me some good news that has me really excited about work again.

I was driving home that afternoon, thinking about work. My mind wandered to previous jobs I’ve had and how things tend to come around full circle.

After moving to Austin I held a job as a telemarketer. I quit that job after six months or so. After my stint as a telemarketer I offered my service as dog bather/poo squirter. I was the only bather for a few months until the grooming department decided to hire another bather. I worked with this woman for quite a while and we became good friends. She knew I was studying computer science in college. One day she came into the back of the grooming department while I had a dog’s anus in my fist and quietly said, “Josh, I’ve been meaning to tell you this. My husband is the CTO of Keller Willams. I told him about you and he’d like to interview you for a position as his assitant.” I wiped the dog feces from my forearm and dropped that Shitzhu’s ass like P. Diddy drops checks. HOLLA!

Two Monday’s later I found myself at Wal-Mart at 6:30 a.m. in search of a blue tie to wear on my first day as Bob’s assistant. I remember I had a hangover. I also reeked of Halston cologne.

My day-to-day activities consisted of calling Keller Williams offices across the nation to harvest e-mail addresses and backing up the corporate server. Part of my job also required that I maintained regular contact with OnRamp for website updates and server backups. I didn’t like my job. Bob knew I didn’t like my job and he knew I wasn’t going anywhere in the field of computer science. Bob took me to Burger King for lunch one afternoon.

“Bob, do you know why they call it ‘fancy ketchup?’

“Uh uh.”

“Because it looks real fancy when you try to open the little packet with your teeth and you get ketchup all over your tie.”


Bob downsized me after a couple months of employment. I could tell it was hard for him but I wasn’t the guy he needed.

I loosened my tie, went home with my tail tucked between my legs and did what any other executive assistant would do; I got a job waiting tables at the Olive Garden. Hospitaliano!

After training and being on the floor for a month I became a great waiter at the Olive Garden. I had prime shifts and prime sections. One Sunday afternoon I barreled through the alley and into the teal section to bring my four top a new basket of bread sticks when I bumped into the lady I used to wash dogs with at PetSmart.

“Josh, how are you doing?!?! It’s so great to see you!!!”

“Hi, Lady I Used to Wash Dogs with!! How are you doing?!?! How’s Bob???”

“Bob died last night…”

“Oh my…”

I didn’t know what to say. I told her I was sorry. Her friend was with her and was comforting her by holding her by the arm.

I quit the Olive Garden after a few months for a job as a banquet server at the Austin Country Club. I moved up the ranks to management. I quit the Club after graduating college for a job as a multimedia editor at Vidbook.com. I lost that job when the dot-com’s bottom fell out.

I moved us to Temple when I took a job at Scott & White and we were miserable for a year.

We moved back to Austin when I took a job with Wellness Works. A year and half later I was given the opportunity to run the company.

This past December Elise and I were having dinner with the president of OnRamp, talking about meconium.

Just goes to show that shit happens.

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