Jesus just wants an Xbox 360 for his birthday

The weekend before last I got up early Saturday morning and was hell-bent on putting the Christmas lights on the house. The neighbors across the street were also putting up their lights. I was trying to untangle the netted icicle lights that are “easily draped over shrubs and bushes” and remembered the holiday joy that I felt this time last year. You know, the holiday joy that drives you to raise your fists to the heavens while standing atop your home and scream, “WHY THE **** DO I HAVE TO PUT UP THESE *** **** *********** LIGHTS AND ****** **** ***** ***** ****** *** ******** **** ***** ****** ***** ****** *** ****** ***** **** *********** *** ****** **** ****** **** DAMN **** **** **** **** ******** **** AGAIN!!!!”

I looked across the street and saw my neighbors with blueprints, a laser level and one of those surveying scopes and said, “To hell with it all!” These neighbors are the guys who won an all-expense-paid Caribbean cruise a few years back for their Christmas decorating theme.

Elise is set on having Christmas decorations and lights outside as well as mulled spices on the stove this year. We went to Papa Noel to get our Christmas tree this evening. I thought it was going to be an in and out affair but my lovely wife had to find the tree. Immediately I reminded myself of Jeff’s recent tree buying experience and thought, “Shit… we’re going to be here ALL NIGHT.” Luckily Elise found her tree within half an hour and we got an official Papa Noel coffee mug to boot.

Elise decorating the tree 2005
Mrs. Preggers lights the tree.
Now she’s at the HoPot, Wal-Mart and Garden Ridge in search of tree stands and other consumer-grade holiday glee.

Bring on the egg nog.

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