Stress relieving shower

So I woke up extra early this morning so I could be fresh for the staff meeting this morning. I began my morning, getting ready ritual as usual.

Back in a time that I like to refer as a time in my life that occured prior to this point right now, I was turned on to the very manly, poofy, scrunchy body washer thing. You know the thing I’m talking about: it’s that loosely-balled mesh material that you squirt the liquid body wash onto and use to cleanse yourself. They usually come in very testosterone-friendly colors like Lovermellon Pink, Luscious Lavender and Easter Lily Blue.

If you’ve ever had a girlfriend, wife or sister, you know what I’m talking about and you’ve used one. I’ve used one for years and years. I prefer the pink one myself. Sometimes, when I’m in a good mood, I’ll pinch it between my butt cheeks and bounce around in the shower like I’m a rabbit with a pillowy pink tail. I’ll sing this great song about how I’m the happiest, hippidy hoppidy clean rabbit in the rain forest. In all of this excitement I slip on the soapy shower floor, bang my head against the shower wall, kick the door open with my foot and my pale, white, lanky body will wind up on the floor in a contorted positition with a pink mesh thing sticking out from back rear that makes it look like I’ve given birth to a carnation.

Elise will check on me and decide that I need to be in an institution.

That aside, I was taking my shower this morning sans the hippidy hoppidy part. I used Elise’s “Stress Reducing” body wash. This stuff is prime body wash. I’m talking about a Grade A formulation here. I bought this stuff for her from the company that sells things for baths, showers and 1978-1997 Cub Cadet riding lawn mowers. This stuff that I was using said it had peppermint, lavender, chamomile, horse chestnut extract, certified organic rosemary, uncertified ginger stamen, black tar heroin and angel boogers (as exfoliant).

I’m still stressed.