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Glowing Time of Neversleep

There’s not many things that bother me. One of those ‘not many things’ is being made aware of time should I wake up sometime during the night.

Scenario: Josh awakes from a deep slumber sometime during the night to see a man about a horse. On the way, Josh accidentally sees the clock on the dresser and notes that it is 5:47 a.m.

“That leaves me around an hour to sleep”

I can never go back to sleep after seeing the clock. I will lay in bed and think “I’ll bet I have less than an hour to sleep now.” “I wonder how much longer now.” “If I open my eyes, I’ll bet I could see that the blinds are starting to glow from the early morning light.”

It always, ALWAYS happens. It could be 1:30 a.m.: “I only have five hours left to sleep.”

I might doze off, but for some reason I become stressed and overly concious of time. I hate it. It’s a disease.

We bought our house a little over a year ago. With the house came a water softener. Water Softener is smart as it does its brining thing very early in the morning. When Smart Water Softener is all out of salt, it likes to call out: BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEP………. BEEEEEEEEEEEP.

It’s not a quiet beep either. Invariably your humble narrator gets out of bed to silence Water Softener. This very thing happened just this morning – early this morning…

I, the Dark Knight, rose from slumber after I’d heard the taunting, roaring BEEEEEP coming from the Soft Water Dragon who was bellowing from within the Guhraj Dungeon.

This quest was two-fold: Silence Soft Water Dragon and be not blinded by the Glowing Time of Neversleep.

I slowly rose to my feet and checked my armor (that’s knight talk for scratched my nether regions). Stealthily I made my way to the far side of Kitt Chun Island where I attained a trusty lantern from the Drawer de los Junke.

I continued my journey to the Guhraj Dungeon along the south shore of Kitt Chun Island. My peripheral caught light from one of Neversleep’s glowing minions. Wearily I looked away, traveled onward toward the beep and avoided the spell of Neversleep.

Before long I found myself at a tall door that separated me from Guhraj Dungeon and Soft Water Dragon. I flung open the heavy door, shined my lantern into the eyes of the dragon, checked my armor again and farted.

While the dragon was momentarily distracted, I quickly lifted his armor chest plate and with grace and precision, pressed the “Silence Soft Water Dragon” button.

Alas, the kingdom was quiet. It was time for this Dark Knight to check his armor again and make his way home.

Exhausted, I traveled back the way I came as this was what I thought the safest route. Traveling west along the south bank of Kitt Chun Island I came across two minions of glowing time. My will power prevailed as I looked away and traveled toward my lair. It was upon crossing the threshold of my own chamber where I was confronted, head on, by the evilest of Neversleep minions: Redglow of St. Sleepsnomore.

I harnessed my Dark Knight powers, checked my armor one last time, closed my eyes, found my way back to my cot and made no eye contact with Redglow.

I silenced the Soft Water Dragon and had not been blinded by the Glowing Time of Neversleep. I was home and safe to slumber. I knew not of time, could easily fall back to sleep and be well rested for the day ahead.

“That dragon, oh, how he angers me when he bellows in the cold, early mornings!” I victoriously proclaimed.

My princess stirred and responded: “Yes, especially at 4 o’clock in the morning.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh.”

1 comment

1 Comment so far

  1. bobcat March 4th, 2005 7:31 pm

    great story. very Reader’s Digest-ish or Funny Times… i’ve read much less interesting and entertaining work in both publications. it’s the ending that makes a humorous story good. this has a good ending as the hero had prevailed only to be thwarted by an unlikely (and unseen) event. the metaphorical quality heightens (or basically creates) an adventure instead of saying, “i walked out to the garage”.

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