I wasn’t ready for this question tonight

This conversation took place ~10 minutes ago, as close to verbatim as I can recollect:

“Daddy, how does a baby go from being in a mommy’s belly to being born?”

“Well, you see, Sug… there are tiny eggs that live in a mommy’s ovaries. Then they take a ride through what’s called a fallopian tube where they land and rest in the uterus. And this is where the egg gets fertilized and then turns into an embryo, which is an itty itty, bitty baby. The baby lives in this little protecting bubble called and embryonic sack for nine whole months. That’s almost a whole year!”


“Yeah! And while the baby’s in the mommy’s belly, it gets its food from the umbilical cord, which is a tube that goes from a special sack in the mommy’s belly straight into the baby’s belly. That’s why everyone has a belly button — because that’s how we were all once fed while we lived in our mommy’s belly.”

“Hey, Daddy?”

“Yeah, Sug?”

“But how does the baby actually get into the mommy’s belly?”

“Well, you see. Ahem. That’s something that the mommy and daddy do. You see, with me, I took a 15″ sheet pan and greased it with a lot of butter, then set it aside. Then I took 4 cups of flour, 2 eggs, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, a tablespoon of baking soda, a cup of milk and a package of active dry yeast and mixed on high until I had a good dough. Then I proofed the dough in the oven at around 150-degrees for about a half hour. Then I took the dough out and pushed it down onto the kitchen bar that I’d spread flour onto. Then I took the rolling pin — you know, the rolling pin you used the other day to make your little cake? — and rolled the dough out to, oh, I don’t know, maybe a half inch or so. Then I folded it over once length-wise, then over again. Then I folded it from the top, and then again from the bottom. And then I put the dough in a padded envelope, walked it up to the mailbox and sent it to God…”


“Yeah, and then a few days later, God sent an email to your Mom to let her know that she was pregnant with you!”


“Alright, Sug. Love you! G’night!”


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