I was hoping to provide a video for this entry but with all of the other hooplah going on in my life [nothing], I just haven’t had time to capture and edit the footage. Plus I’m tying to conserve server space for other stuff [nothing].
So I’m now two weeks and one day late in relaying the events of Halloween. I don’t remember all of the details as I have been smoking a lot of illy and subjecting myself to extreme femur mutilation by a 9″ muffin tin in an internal quest to find a way to make my tear duct stop squeaking.
If I remember correctly, Halloween fell on a Thursday this year. It was no out-of-the-ordinary Thursday. I walked home from work, turned on the computer in hopes that I would find the enlightenment that couldn’t be found in my previous nine hours of staring at a computer monitor. I walked into the dining area of our apartment and decided it was time to put away the bottle of charcoal lighter flood that had been sitting by the patio door.
I acquired this bottle of HEB brand lighter fluid from a coworker. Said combustible liquid had been sitting in my cubicle at work for months. I had finally decided to bring it home a week prior. Nobody told me that I should take the lighter fluid home, but I thought it was probably a good idea seeing how I’m the Marketing Communications/Market Research Fire Marshal [seriously].
Anyway, I opened the patio door, stepped out onto the patio and opened the little patio closet that contains charcoal, lighter fluid, water heater and a water hose. I put the lighter fluid in the closet, shut the door, walked into the apartment and shut the patio door. Think there’s going to be fire, right? No – nothing that good. Though I probably should take the lighter flood out of an enclosed area that is used primarily to generate heat for our potable water. I’ll have to look into that in my continuing education Fire Marshal curriculum.
Elise came home from work. Friends came on and Elise watched that in the living room. I was making dinner or on the computer or something. We simultaneously noticed that we hadn’t seen Riley in a while. We both took notice of Annie looking curiously at the fireplace. After muting the television, we could hear Riley meowing from the fireplace.
Riley’s always had a fascination with the fireplace.
He wasn’t actually in the fireplace. After closer audio inspection, we determined that our cat had somehow climbed up the chimney. I went into the bedroom patio’s closet and retrieved a flood light. I also pulled out the Hitachicam as I knew this was going to turn out to be something weird.
I shined the light all the way up the chimney but couldn’t see Riley. I called his name and could hear him up at the very top. Remember Baby Jessica? Well, we were in a similar situation, only upside down. Our chimney is pretty narrow, I’d say maybe 20″ in circumference. I knew it could be possible for him to climb up, but how was he going to get down? He couldn’t reverse his claws to allow himself to paw his way down. A fatal nosedive was immanent.
I ran outside [leaving the camera aimed at the fireplace] and tried to determine a way to climb onto our roof. The ledge and gutters of our building would allow no such thing. I thought and thought and thought. Only one thing we could do… call the fire department.
Elise called the fire department. Fire departments are supposed to come get your kitty out of a tree, right? Nope.
“Git yerselves a can uh tuna or sum of thim sardeeens and put em in the farplace. Leave a light in der too, yer cat’ll come down soon.” – Temple Fire Department – honest truth.
I walked outside one more time. I had to think fast. I had to be the manly hero. I had to save the day. Elise came outside, close to a panic. She suggested that we go to Wal-Mart and buy a ladder. I told her that we didn’t have time for that. As trick-or-treaters walked past, I asked any accompanying parents if they owned or knew of a place where I could acquire a ladder. Nothing.
I thought and thought and thought. I decided to go back into the apartment and see if there was a way that I could get onto the roof by means of one of our balconies.
As I entered the front door, I remembered the lighter fluid. I remember opening the patio closet’s door. I remember Riley following me outside. Over an hour had passed since I had put away the lighter fluid.
I walked outside, opened the patio closet door and out strutted Riley.
The patio closet is right behind the fireplace, hence us hearing our cat from what sounded like the chimney. Hilarity ensued.