Elise and I just finished watching the season premiere of Yes, Dear. The overall theme was corporal punishment for lying.

After the show was over, I went into the kitchen to finish cleaning the mess I made while making a veggie pizza. Elise walked into the kitchen laughing.

“What’s so funny?!” I asked.

“Remember that time when we had a spanking contest to figure out who would be the one to spank our children?” She asked.

I had completely forgotten about that. Elise and I decided a long time ago that we will spank our children if the incriminating offense is severe enough to warrant such punishment. We both experienced it and agree that spanking is an acceptable form of punishment. That’s our opinion – like it or lump it. We’re not planning on being abusive, but if our children do really stupid stuff like what I did, they’ll get a spanking, just like I did. I don’t know about that whole ‘time out’ thing.

Anyway – I started laughing when I was reminded of our spanking contest. I don’t know how it all came about, but we decided to spank each other on the hind side to determine who spanks more effectively. It was always assumed by the both of us that I would be the strong arm of the law when it came to child rearing, but we went ahead and had a contest anyway.

I won. Of course, the competition was fierce. I am completely confident in Elise’s spanking abilities in my absence. This contest didn’t go without any temporary physical discomfort. My posture was noticeably better due to the involuntary cheek clenching that ensued shortly after my spanking. On my spank delivery, I busted a blood vessel in my right ring finger which caused it to double in size just below the first knuckle. Elise had a long lasting, skinny-fingered handprint on her gluteus maximus after my deliverance.

Our contest was all in fun. We laughed and made fun of ourselves throughout our pre-parenthood boot camp. We’re dorks. I love my dorky wife though and I know she will be a wonderful mother.

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