Author: Josh

I bought a Windows XP Home upgrade on eBay last night. My computer is pretty much hosed right now. Not really hosed, but it reminds me of Johnny’s old maroon Ford Aerostar in which we used to cruise around. When you banged on the dashboard on the driver’s side, the radio station would change. When you banged on the dash on the passenger’s side, the dome light would turn on. Everything worked, but not as it was intended.

I was beginning to worry that I might have to start using duct tape to open Photoshop.

Mom bought us a copy of XP Home for Christmas last year. Instead of putting the new operating system on my computer, I installed it on Elise’s computer because I read that certain manufacturers hadn’t planned on developing drivers for XP. Elise didn’t like XP and wanted to go back to Win98SE. Because of Microsoft’s new Product Activation, this single copy of XP can now only go on her computer.

I’ve kicked around the idea of installing Linux as my primary OS. I even own a copy of Red Hat’s Linux 7.3. My interpretation of every installation tutorial that I’ve read suggests partitioning your hard drive to leave one normal OS on your computer. I’d be willing to bet money that Linux wouldn’t easily support half of my peripherals and software. By that I mean that it would take more time and effort than I have available and would eventual find myself standing behind this group of striking young Linux enthusiasts. I like computers and all, but not that much.

So my copy of XP is in the mail today. Hopefully I’ll have it by this weekend so I can have a nice little project to work on. Now I have to backup all of my files.

In other news… Luciana gave me a ride home yesterday. I accepted only because I didn’t want to lug my motorcycle jacket home. It was too hot to wear it and it wouldn’t fit in my backpack. Today I wore two fleece pullovers. Those fit into my backpack.

Elise has me watching The Bachelor. I think she’s trying to soften me up. She’s turned me into a Friends fan as well. I could be watching a special on after-market carbon-fiber ground effects for sport motorcycles on Speedvision when I look at the clock and shriek “Omagawd, Friends is on and it’s the episode where we find out if Chandler and Monica are really moving to Tulsa!!!”

Okay – that’s a slight exaggeration. In actuality, I come strutting into the living room fifteen minutes after her show has started. This is usually after I’ve completed a dozen or so bench press reps with railroad ties and just eaten 20 ounces of rattlesnake meat with poisonous centipede au jus and polishing off a highball of 10W-30 on the rocks.

I’m wondering if watching The Bachelor with Elise is some sort of test. I openly critique other women’s physiques, personalities, faces, hair and head. Yes, I said head. There’s one bachelorette who looks like she has a Magic Bubble brain hemorrhage. Anyway, Elise engages in the same critiques – I just hope she doesn’t think I’m ogling. Ehhh, It doesn’t matter, she told me she thought Robert Redford was still “hot” [in Indecent Proposal].

I am on my third week of walking to and from work. Believe it or not, I really like walking. I like it so much that I’m going to sell the trusty Shadow. I need to get the tire replaced first.

I’ve been kicking around the idea of selling the bike for some time now. Now I’m going to do it. I’m going to go to the store this week and buy a For Sale sign and create some fliers. Elise and I could really use the extra cash.

Most people think I’m crazy for having a motorcycle as my only means of personal transportation. A lot of people think that I’m even more crazy for walking to work. Everyone at work has extended an invitation to either pick me up or take me home from work. I have to explain to them that I seriously enjoy the walk. It’s nice to know that I can ask someone for a lift if it’s raining and I forgot my umbrella.

Walking to work is very humbling. It literally keeps my feet on the ground. A few years back had I been in this very situation, I would have thought to myself: “Thats it… I’m going to sell my motorcycle with a flat tire and go deep into debt by buying a car that I can’t afford.”

Now I walk the 45 minutes [I don’t know how far that is in conventional distance measurement] and take comfort in knowing that I don’t have write a large check for a car note at the end of the month.

I also make it a point to say hello to at least one bird. Without fail, some bird always manages to fly by or land nearby and chirp at me. There have been a couple times where I have seen a bird do something that I think is stupid – like flying off of a lamp mounted above one of the loading docks behind the department stores by which I walk. The bird will fly off and turn around, without having gone anywhere, and land back onto the same lamp.

I’ll say: “What did you do that for, stupid bird?”

I’m learning the way of the walk as well. During my first week of walking, I was almost embarrassed to look at oncoming cars. I don’t know why. I’m just stupid like that. I guess I thought that the people inside their cars would pity me or point fingers. There aren’t many pedestrians where I walk. Now I just don’t care. I like to look at people in there cars and see how long it takes before they look away. I’ve thought about stopping and picking my nose or doing something else absurd for my own humerous benefit.

Temple is too small for that. Soon enough I would probably be recognized around town as the guy who stares at oncoming traffic with his finger up his nose.

My most recent lesson in the way of the walk was given today. I learned to look up before walking under power lines.

This morning was quite cold. Cold enough to warrant wearing my motorcycle jacket. I also wore my Lakers cap so as to contain the heat that escapes from one’s head. I was halfway to work, walking underneath the powerlines behind the department stores when I saw something fall quickly just before the brim of my hat. At first I thought it was a drop of rain. I looked up. I didn’t see any rain. I looked down. No drops on the ground. While looking down, my right foot moved out in front of me and there I saw it, in all its glory, a nice white splatter that covered the tip of my ozzy.

I looked up again and back. There were two birds sitting on the top power line. I didn’t say anything to those birds. I took off my hat and inspected my brim. Nothing there. Miraculously, the heaven-sent dob of cottage cheese hit only my foot.

I’ve never been pood on by a bird before. I’m glad it didn’t hit me anywhere else. Should it have, I couldn’t have walked back home because I had a meeting at 8 a.m. It was funny though. I couldn’t get mad. I just kept on walking to work with bird poo on my foot.

Now I know to look up every once in a while.

I was halfway home when Elise surprised me and picked me up on Friday. Yes, I’m still walking. She earned 30 minutes off by having perfect attendance so she was able to catch me before I reached the apartment.

We ran home, El changed, we both packed for the weekend and we headed off to the Austin County Fair. We cranked up the boom box that sits in the backseat and acts as our car stereo – powered by an AC/DC converter, and blared down Hwy 36.

We arrived at the fair at 9:30 p.m. or so. We ducked our heads so as not to be seen [not that we’re celebrities or anything… we wanted to check things out before we found ourselves stuck in conversation] and walked around the fair grounds. I bought my once a year smoked turkey leg, Elise had a paper boat of nachos.

We checked out most of the FFA show animals and the fabrication entries. We made a once around the carnival and dodged most carney haggling. Nothing has changed at the ACF. We made our way to the infamous beer barn and ran into some friends. After deciding that we didn’t want to hang out in front of the beer barn all night, we agreed that we should ride on some rides. Cheezy, Tracy, Jamie, Elise and your humble narrator made our way back to the carnival area.

One thing at the fair has changed – the ride prices. It cost me $8 in ride tickets for El and me to ride one windy windy swirly swoosh ride. The three girls and I piled into a three quarter pod, not unlike the infamous tea cups at Disney World and were spun into centrifugal hilarity. We all tried to take pictures with Jamie’s disposable camera. I’m curious as to how those turned out.

The girls decided they wanted to ride another ride. This next ride was also centrifugal in nature. This one was smaller in stature but larger in amusement. So large in fact that the heavy-set guy who rode with his wife was rushed out of the fair in an ambulance.

Cheezy and I stood behind the molded aluminum gate and watched the girls spin around and around. I noticed the heavy-set guy’s head lay back at the ride swooshed him and his wife around and around as well. After a while, I could barely hear his wife trying to yell “Stop the ride.” It took a few swooshes around before I realized that she was serious.

I told the carney that he should probably stop the ride. When he did, the heavy-set man didn’t get up. We all ran to where the paramedics usually hang out. Nobody was there. Elise ran to the entrance of the fairgrounds to find help. By the time she got back, EMS had arrived and loaded the man onto a stretcher. We watched.

An ambulance came and took the heavy-set man away. I hope he’s alright.

We all walked to a concession stand so I could get something to drink. This year, the 4H held a monopoly on Coca Cola sales. The 4H concession stand was clear across the fairgrounds. I didn’t feel like walking that far for sugar and carbonation. I settled for the concession stand at which I was standing and bought a cherry limeade that tasted exactly how I would imagine homemade hummingbird nectar would taste.

We congregated in front of the beer barn and all decided to go home early. El and I were tired and there wasn’t much excitement to keep us up much longer.

Elise and I woke up at 7 on Saturday morning. It was Astroworld day.

Diamond Shamrock gave us a ticket to Astroworld for choosing their gasoline. With Elise driving to Killeen everyday, it didn’t take long to rack up four fill-ups.

We arrived at Astroworld at approximately 11 a.m. A few small lines were already formed at the gates. I was happy because we arrived early and wouldn’t have to wait long for rides. After fifteen minutes of waiting in line, we made our way to the front. Texas Cyclone, here we come…

“I’m sowwy sur, yoo mobby deesh teckuts mow fo du gumpny binnick und the foody high fobble”. That’s what the ticket-taker told me. I turned to Elise and she told me that he said “The gates are open for company picnics, all others will have to wait for general admission at 12.”

We sat on the brick edge of the landscaped atrium just outside the gates of Astroworld. We people-watched and patiently waited for high noon as other patrons started piling in.

We found our place in line at a quarter till noon. I sold some stocks, relinquished our possession of our first born and signed a contract stating that I would clean the park’s bathrooms in a Yosemite Sam plush outfit and forked out two large dollar bills to purchase our second admission ticket. That just means that I think ticket prices have doubled since the last time I visited Astroworld.

We were little kids again. The first ride we rode was the Dungeon Drop. A little cart suspended 230 feet in the air with patron feet dangling beneath. A 62 mph drop – straight down. Elise was nervous. I told her to watch the penny.

I put a penny on my knee. This was a trick that I was taught when I was just a wee lad. The horn blew, the carts dropped and just as the imminent fear of gravity became reality, the penny gracefully and magically lifted from my knee and gently spun at chest level. It followed us all the way down until it took another path and clanked down behind one of the ride operators. We both laughed and rushed away so we wouldn’t get caught!

Next we rode The Serial Thriller. “Thrill seekers will find their feet dangling below and the track roaring above them as they rip through 5 inversions at speeds of up to 55 mph!” This ride was built in 1999. It felt really weird riding a roller coaster with your feet dangling down below you. We both wore flip-flops and opted to take them off before we rode. We zoomed at 55 mph, twisting and turning upside down. It was scary. I was really afraid that I was going to get my feet knocked off by support poles.

It was somewhere after 1 p.m. at this point. I was hungry. We walked around until Elise decided on what she wanted for lunch. We stopped for pizza. It was pretty gross. We’re finally learning to do that share-a-meal thing. We could have easily spent twice as much on lunch, but we decided on a single serving pizza and a side of two breadsticks.

After pizza, we walked over to Dreyer’s and bought a couple ice cream cones. I had strawberry, Elise had almond and caramel. We sat on a bench tried to avoid looking at the kids who were playing tonsil hockey two picnic tables over. We decided that kids really don’t have many other places to go to make out. It’s not like they have their own apartments or anything.

Without waiting for our dairy based midday meals to settle, we headed over to Greezed Lightin’. Luckily we never had to wait too long in line. Greezed Lightin’ was the classic rush I remembered it to be. 60 mph in less than 6 seconds. We rode in the first car and were shot out into one loop and up, slow stop at the top and then backwards to do it all again in reverse. Elise loved it. She wanted to turn around and get back in line to ride it again. I scooted us along so we would have a chance to ride all of the rides.

We decided to cool off and go for a relaxing ride. We road the Thunder River. That ride is always a blast because you never know who’s going to get drenched. For the first time ever, it was yours truly. The nice girl sitting next to me shared the water with me. We were soaked. It was hilarious.

We moved over to the next ride which was the Mayan Mindbender. This is a smaller version of Disney’s Space Mountain – inside and dark. We had fun – but it wasn’t the best. Plus my back was cold from all of the water that my shirt had soaked up.

Next we rode the Viper. Hmmm… the Viper. The rides are starting to blend together as I try to recollect. I remember the ride, but it’s hard to explain. Fast, a couple loopdy loops, some twists, some turns, two pair of bruised shoulders from being banged around in restraints.

We then rode Batman: The Escape. You have to stand up when you ride this one. More loops and twists and windies. “Riders experience the rush of standing up through a 66-foot-high, 360-degree vertical loop and a horizontal, 360-degree loop that suspends riders nearly parallel to the ground.” We rode in the first car on this ride as well. Riding in the front is the best. Traveling at 55 mph with nothing in front of you is pretty damn scary.

Then we rode the Ultra Twister. “Drops riders 9 stories, head first, virtually straight down. With their heads still spinning, riders shuttle through a circular steel structure rolling 360-degrees forwards – and then again – backwards!” Elise screamed like a… Well, I don’t know what she screamed like but it was funny – and loud!

We decided that our day should start coming to an end. Elise wanted to ride the Merry-go-round, so we did. We rode on the rabbits. I almost fell asleep. I should have had a balloon tied to my wrist, a sparkly unicorn painted on my cheek and some cotton candy caked onto my chin and it would have been picture perfect. We were both bushed.

Elise and I left Astroworld, hopped in the Trooper and headed up 610 to Northwest Mall. Our destination: Alice Cooper’s Nightmare. I’m a big Alice fan and had to pay homage.

We weren’t too excited about having to pay $15 a piece. It was worth it though. I can honestly say that I was scared. It’s hard for me to become scared by ghoulies and zombies. This after subjecting myself movies about the paranormal, supernatural and things that go bump in the night at a very early age.

The Alice Cooper team used effects that I had never experienced in a haunted house [stripped department store]. It seemed as if behind every corner was some hydraulic-driven skeleton or severed head that popped out to instigate the fight or flight reflex. Remote controls were used to maneuver disemboweled prosthetic human organs. The whole thing was awesome. As both sets of our palms were sweating, even a plain clothes character who jumped from out of a corner and yelled “Whooooo!” while clanking on the back of a skillet was scary.

And yes, there was even the proverbial chainsaw man at the end of the tour. Luckily he jumped out and chased the girls in front of us and saved us from embarrassment.

After all of the excitement of the day, we decided to go drive back to the Austin County Fair in Bellville and see the infamous hypnotist. My parents claim that this guy was hilarious. I wasn’t impressed. Maybe it was because I was tired, maybe it was because he sucked, maybe it was because the participants weren’t as involved as they should have been. There were a few parts where I laughed, but overall, I wasn’t amused.

After sitting though an hour of that junk, we headed to the beer barn to do our social part. We talked to a few people that I hadn’t seen or spoken to since I graduated from high school. It was interested to hear about what those people are doing.

It was brought to my attention that my ex-girlfriend was there. Not only was she there, but she was standing a few feet behind me. Luckily I was in the company of good friends who made sure that my back was turned the whole time. I hadn’t seen or heard of her in many years. I had always hoped it would stay that way. The notion of her being there passed very quickly and we had good conversations with old friends.

I also made peace with an old friend who I held a grudge against for many years. I’m a kind person by nature and hate having to avoid eye contact with anyone. It was nice to lay that distaste to rest. I wrote it off as water under the bridge and gave my old friend a hug. He showed me a picture of his newborn. That made me happy.

We left the fair at 2 a.m. or so. I can’t believe we stayed up that late in our old age. Because we neglected to eat dinner, we got back to my parents’ house and ate some clam chowder and went to bed.

I slept in until almost noon on Sunday. Elise did laundry. I ate breakfast and took a nap on the couch. Sleeping until noon and getting up to eat breakfast can really take it out of a guy.

Dad and I watched the Chargers beat the Chiefs. Elise and I left Mom and Dad’s at 7 p.m. We drove slowly and depressed-like back to bustling Temple.

We had a great weekend. It was one of those that we hoped would never end…

I hate public restrooms. Really, I do. The men’s restroom in the conference center at Scott & White is no exception. The single wall mounted liquid waste management apparatus is attached to a painted cinder block wall that divides the little boys’ and little girls’ rooms. Whenever a toilet flushes in the women’s restroom, the pipes within said wall make a noise that could easily be misconstrued as the ignition of the Space Shuttle’s solid rocket boosters.

In the seven months that I’ve worked at Scott & White, one would think that I would accept and embrace this spontaneous calamity. I haven’t. Without fail, yours truly always manages to become startled by this noise. During this nanosecond fit, it’s not unlike me to leave a pattern that would lead some to believe that I use the facility by means of sonar.

In other news: Elise called me this afternoon during her lunch break. She took the Trooper in to have the oil changed. I told her to ask the technician if he could identify the leak. He said the leak was coming from a gasket. He suggested a temporary chemical treatment that would cause the gasket to expand.

We’re trying to save as much cash as we can to purchase a nice used vehicle. I was hoping we could save for a little while longer. We’re going to have to sell before we can only get cash for parts.

My parents came to visit this past weekend. They arrived on Friday shortly after I got home from work.

I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. It was good.

We all stayed up pretty late. El and Mom stayed up later [as usual].

We woke up at 6:30 a.m. on Saturday. We all got ready and headed to Ft. Worth to have lunch with my sister, Lisa and her boyfriend, Ron.

The visit was short and sweet. Lisa was in town from San Diego for her fifteen year reunion at TCU.

After lunch, El, Mom, Dad and yours truly headed back to bustling Temple. We stopped in West to buy kolaches.

We got back to Temple and went to Wal-Mart to buy food for dinner.

We took it easy for the rest of the day. El and I stayed up to watch the season premier of SNL. If the opener is any indication of the rest of the season, looks like we’re in for another ho-hum year of SNL.

On Sunday, El and I woke up late. Mom and Dad had already eaten breakfast.

Mom got on my computer and tried to install a Roxio update. My computer’s on the fritz now. I’ll fix it once I get the website back to normal.
Mom and Dad left around 2:30. Elise and I went to the mall to spend her gift certificate.

We spent well over two hours in Victoria’s Secret. I was there for so long, I figured out the secret…

I felt like such a pervert while in this store. While El was trying on undergarments, I was told that I could sit in the little pink chair next to the dressing room.

I sat in that little pink chair. Girls and women came in, browsing and purchasing. I sat there and tried to look every which way to keep from making any eye contact with anyone. The only other things that I could look at where women’s bras and panties. It was quite the test for your Sunday afternoon unshaven, perverted looking narrator.

We made out with a couple pairs of skivvies and a brassiere.

That was the extent of our weekend.

Sometimes I just kill myself.

Since the trusty Shadow has been out of commission all week, I’ve been walking to and from work. Ordinarily I come home for lunch and eat a turkey sandwich and a fist full of pretzels. Since it would take my entire lunch break and then some to walk home to eat, I’m in need of a new lunch plan.

I didn’t go to work on Monday. On Tuesday I forgot to eat lunch. I can’t remember what I did for lunch on Wednesday. Yesterday, David and I went to the local deli. Today I ate in the cafeteria.

In an effort to save a little money on my midday meal, I’ve adopted a hungry man’s economic lunch strategy.

Although I earned a C in my college economics class, I’m numerically inclined enough to know that it’s cheaper for me to ride my motorcycle to work, home for lunch, back to work, to the grocery store for a package of sliced Butterball smoked turkey breast and a loaf of bread and then home for the day than it is to eat in the cafeteria five days a week. I’d say I spend $15 a month on gas. It cost me three dollars and some odd cents to eat in the cafeteria this afternoon. Times that times five.

I had lunch in the Scott & White cafeteria a few times shortly after I started. I’d say it took me three good tries at Scott & White’s cafeteria to gain an appreciation for the rations that were once spooned by the bearded lady in high school. Good ol’ Mom and Dad’s hard earned tax dollars. Don’t get me wrong though, I love where I work… I love the people I work with… I work at the best place in the whole world…

As experience being my teacher, I’ve learned to take the path most traveled: the soup and salad bar.

There’s nothing fancy to the soup and salad bar – prepackaged iceberg lettuce, shredded carrots and red cabbage. Baby carrots, banana peppers, green and black olives, shredded cheddar, broccoli, cauliflower, croutons, bacon bits – all of your standard issue salad accessories are organized and available via those light brown, plastic institutional cylinders packed in ice.

Soups vary daily. Today they offered beef barley and Wisconsin cheddar. I opted for the latter.

For one’s salad containment needs, the Scott & White cafeteria offers a variety of bowl and plate sizes, all varying in price. One can choose from a small salad bowl [not to be confused with a 1.5 oz. shot glass], a medium salad bowl, a plate or a to-go box. I’m in the process of learning how to get the most bang for my buck out of the medium salad bowl. The medium salad bowl is crafted in off-white Styrofoam and is probably the same size as the bowls you use in your very own home.

I picked up my tray, medium salad bowl and soup cup at the west end of the salad bar. I surveyed the goods and began carefully constructing my hungry man’s salad mountain. I packed in enough iceberg lettuce so there would be no sneaky air pockets or crevices. I then piled on some more lettuce to construct a nice peak. This became a monstrous salad. I was stealing from the blind! As I moved on down the line, I carefully added baby carrots, olives, cauliflower, broccoli and croutons all along the barely visible rim of my bowl. All of my salad accessories were teetering between the bowl and a thud onto my tray. Luckily they all survived.

Now time for salad dressing. I chose ranch. The Italian was too vinegary last time I tried. I had no way to equally disperse my dressing, so I just globbed it on top of my roughage hill. I moved on down the line and gently ladled my soup smooth enough to where there were uniform yellow streaks of cheese soup running down the outside of my cup.

I stopped at the end of the salad bar line to attach my employee badge to my shirt’s lapel. Employees get a discount. Remember, I’m saving money here!

I paid my three dollars and some odd cents, picked up a fork, a few napkins and found a remote table at which to sit.

My current marital status aside, I’d say I’m a loner by nature. I don’t need to be in the company of others. This is especially true when I’m dining alone. Without fail, someone always manages to sit themselves in the table next to or across from me, facing me. I could be the only person in a restaurant, sitting there, minding my own business and eating my lunch and the next person who gets their food not only sits too close, but sits facing me! He could have chosen any other seat in the entire restaurant, but he decided to come and sit where he has to face me. That’s on my top three all time pet peeves list. Luckily that didn’t happen today.

I sat down at my own table and faced the window. I looked down at my tray and admired my masterpiece. Boy did I trick them! Not only did I get my employee discount, but I also packed this manly salad that would normally warrant a plate into a medium sized salad bowl! I easily shaved seventy five cents off my lunch tab!

I jabbed the teetering carrots, broccoli and cauliflower first. One by one, I dipped them into the layer of ranch dressing that was the top of my salad and ate them.

I decided it was time to distribute my ranch dressing throughout my salad. After careful contemplation, I settled on the folding technique. I carefully stuck my fork at an angle into the bottom center of my lunch. I gently lifted my fork and began my wrist turning motion. I gracefully flopped my salad out and onto my tray. Not to be defeated, I ate my salad off of my tray.

I should have chosen the plate.

My friend Philip called me yesterday evening. He’s having girl problems.

Philip works offshore on an oil rig. Throughout the summer he was working in the north Atlantic off the coast of Nova Scotia. He was working three weeks on, three weeks off. Now he’s working off the coast of Louisiana in the Gulf of Mexico . I’m fairly certain that his current career choice has been a factor in his relationship.

His [ex?] girlfriend told him that she was thinking about moving out and living in a house with a friend. She and Philip moved to Austin together and shared a one bedroom apartment.

She moved out this last time that Philip was offshore.

She’s young – one year out of high school young. I think she needs to sow those wild oats.

Philip said he feels lost right now. I feel for him. He told me that he found out the hard way that he has no toiletries. I can relate. I think men take advantage of loofah scrubbers, vanilla-mint shampoo and rosemary-kiwi body soaps when they magically appear in the shower.

Philip was the kid who took a while to develop in the ways of the pubescent. I actually used to pick on him during our freshman year in high school. Since that time, he’s become one of my best friends. He’s drilled for water. He’s worked on an oil rig. He’s owned a Chevelle. He’s owned a Trans-Am. He drives a pickup. He rides a sport bike. He glued devil horns on his motorcycle helmet. He’s Australian. He can fix stuff. He has a rare, 1965 Marilyn Monroe pinup calendar. He has one of those cool knives that you can flip open with your thumb. He’s your Marlboro Man.

It’s just weird seeing him upset about a girl. I feel bad for him. It’s nice to know that he’s comfortable confiding in me. I wish I could do something for him other than just being sympathetic ear. I told him that this will all pass with time.

Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking or what influenced my academic thoughts during my freshman year in college…

9/06/94:

“A movie that comes to mind when I think of a quest or a journey is the movie Singles. An actual journey doesn’t take place, but an internal one does. The journey is within one’s mind or heart, trying to determine whether or not they should stay single or commit themselves to a relationship.

Siddhartha’s quest is to find his inner self and to seek the most knowledge he possibly can. The different stages of his quest are first to become a Samana and overcome his Self. Next, he went to seek love. He found the value of money and gambling and basically let go of all the things he had learned from Buddha and the Samanas. Then Siddhartha became a ferryman and lived and learned by the river.

Siddhartha learned that he actually is himself in the forest. He felt alone, as if there with no one else. He learned to love everything. In the city, he learned the value of money and love. The river symbolizes revolution, self actualization and knowledge.”

The last time we were at my parents’ house, I cleaned out my old closet. I found a lot of old high school and college projects. Most of which are inconsequential.

I did, however, find a wealth of old puppy love letters, random diary entries and the like. I think I’m going to start posting them here for the sake of posterity – and for my own amusement. I will try not to transpose my handwritings. I might have to do a little editing [for content only]

The weekend of the 14-17

Fair holidays. Thursday morning I wake up, no school. I eat, embark northward towards the humble town of Bellville for the 66th annual Austin County fair parade. I park on a street by the police station. Then I walk back towards the square. I laid low & dipped into the alley that leads to the Tap Room. I sat in front of the Tap Room after talking to Lanessa for a while. Then I went to the bank in Sealy, cashed coins & went to houston. Went to Service World , took in stereo, looked for Mitsubishi place for a bra, went & ate at Memorial City. Went shopping around. Went to Soundwaves, bought Pearl Jam ‘Go’ single and Cypress Hill. Talked to Sadof [popular Houston DJ at the time] about Golden Palimino etc. Went to talk to Dad at the office, wasn’t there, I went home. Ate, sped to JW’s to meet Kristin & Stacy. They weren’t there so I decided to take those old beta tapes to the thrift shop. Then drove back to JW’s & they were there. We stayed there for a while, then went to the fair. Stayed, moseying about, we talked to Ash and Chris. I was pissed because I wanted them to leave. I don’t know why. Maybe it was just Stacy. Sometimes I just hate being around Kristin’s friends. But anyway. I took them to Tom’s and of course, my car ran out of gas. Lost my keys, left ’em at Quick Stop. All that — hooplah. So finally that was done. I got gas in my car and drove it back to Tom’s with Kristin. We stayed there for about an hour & a half. Kristin and I would go into the back room [no, not what you’re thinking] just to get away from everyone. 12 o’clock, they left. 12:15, I left.

Friday, I can’t seem to remember what I did. Slept late… oh yeah, band practice at Ash’s. I was supposed to meet Kristin and Stacy at my house at four. No show. I went to work [I was a short order cook at the Tap Room], Kristin was there, alone. I was pissed because she was late but happy because Stacy wasn’t with her. I worked, she went to my house. I called her, told her to meet me at 9:30. She did, we went

[That’s all that was written in that ‘diary entry’. I’ll never know how the story ended…]

I’m really tired. I don’t even want to think about how much time I spent on HH today. I did a ton of custom coding for their submission form. My eyeballs hurt.

Elise and I went to apartment complex social this evening. We ate brisket, sausage, beans and coleslaw. Can’t beat a free dinner. We’re also receiving three months of free digital cable. We won a door prize, an ivy. Free food, free cable, free plant. Not too bad.

Oh yeah, and we received a letter from our friends at the Internal Revenue Service today. They screwed up. They’re sending us $43.00.

It was confirmed that Elise has a perfect attendance record at work. This is apparently rare at Sallie Mae. She has also received 100% on all of her quality control reviews. She received 100% on all of her training tests. It was announced today that Sallie Mae will be accepting applications and resumes for full-time employment. Maybe she will get that pencil sharpener.

All in all, not a bad Thursday. Watch… something horrible will probably happen soon.

El and I are going to my parents’ house tomorrow. Dad and I are going white-tail dove hunting in deep south Texas on Saturday and Sunday. I don’t know where the place is – somewhere near Laredo.

Elise said they laid off approximately seven people who were working under contract with Spherion for Sallie Mae.

She said that most of the people who were given the axe had multiple occurrences, meaning they were slackers. Apparently the world of private loan origination is seeing a lull as students have already received their loans.

I really hope Elise doesn’t call me this week to give me any bad news from the workplace. That would put a nice dent and a good second paint coat keying in our financial goals. If it happens, it happens. She can find something to keep money coming in. If anything, I could tend bar at night at some local joint.

In other news, I’m pretty much done with the Haggard and Halloo.

Elise and I just finished watching the season premiere of Yes, Dear. The overall theme was corporal punishment for lying.

After the show was over, I went into the kitchen to finish cleaning the mess I made while making a veggie pizza. Elise walked into the kitchen laughing.

“What’s so funny?!” I asked.

“Remember that time when we had a spanking contest to figure out who would be the one to spank our children?” She asked.

I had completely forgotten about that. Elise and I decided a long time ago that we will spank our children if the incriminating offense is severe enough to warrant such punishment. We both experienced it and agree that spanking is an acceptable form of punishment. That’s our opinion – like it or lump it. We’re not planning on being abusive, but if our children do really stupid stuff like what I did, they’ll get a spanking, just like I did. I don’t know about that whole ‘time out’ thing.

Anyway – I started laughing when I was reminded of our spanking contest. I don’t know how it all came about, but we decided to spank each other on the hind side to determine who spanks more effectively. It was always assumed by the both of us that I would be the strong arm of the law when it came to child rearing, but we went ahead and had a contest anyway.

I won. Of course, the competition was fierce. I am completely confident in Elise’s spanking abilities in my absence. This contest didn’t go without any temporary physical discomfort. My posture was noticeably better due to the involuntary cheek clenching that ensued shortly after my spanking. On my spank delivery, I busted a blood vessel in my right ring finger which caused it to double in size just below the first knuckle. Elise had a long lasting, skinny-fingered handprint on her gluteus maximus after my deliverance.

Our contest was all in fun. We laughed and made fun of ourselves throughout our pre-parenthood boot camp. We’re dorks. I love my dorky wife though and I know she will be a wonderful mother.

We went to The Range Restaurant in Salado last night for our first anniversary dinner. We both feel like we paid too much for filler.

The Range is a restaurant that was built inside an old country home. It has a romantic atmosphere, nice silverware, decent wines. It’s a nice restaurant. I didn’t like the umber Pepto color of the walls. I felt like I was sitting inside of a human internal organ.

Elise had the Robert Mondavi Chardonnay. I had the Mondavi Coastal Cabernet Sauvignon.

My lovely wife decided on her dinner after our waiter tossed his list of evening specials on our table. I was borderline appalled. He literally walked up to our table and tossed a little beige index card between us. On it was the list of specials written by hand.

Elise asked about the crab stuffed portabella mushroom entree. Our waiter stated that the Chef had just created that item and it looked really good. Okay, if you’re a Chef, you let your staff taste your food so they know what to recommend and are able to answer questions.

El had the special: Crab stuffed portabella mushroom with pasta and a mushroom cream sauce. She received a large plate full of large pasta tubes with a humble crab stuffed portabella mushroom cap in the center. The proportions were way off for this expensive entree. The sauce was okay. The crab was okay. The pasta was aplenty. I might have been okay with paying a fourth of the price for her dinner. We both agreed that I could easily come up with something much more flavorful and proportional.

I had the pork tenderloin with ‘home fries’. I felt like I got somewhat of a better deal on my dinner. The pork was tender and juicy. The caramelized apple jus was good as well. What I didn’t like was the pound of French fries that monopolized my plate. When I read ‘home fries’, I expected fire roasted potato wedges or something of that sort. This time, I can honestly relate this experience to McDonald’s. My French fries tasted and looked like the tried and true cholesterol sticks from Micky D’s – only mine were more thin in structure. I was tempted to ask for a bottle of ketchup. I didn’t. Instead, I ate my French fries with a fork so I could trick myself into thinking that I was eating something fancy.

Our waiter didn’t provide us with much availability. I could hear a football game on the television at the bar. I’m sure he was over there tending to whichever two teams were playing. I recall him coming to our table only once to check on us. My ideal waiter makes an occasional satisfaction inquiry, checks drinks, replaces bread, etc. I explained to Elise that my ideal waiter should not be intrusive or bothersome. He or she should verbally check on a table a couple times throughout the meal and ‘make rounds’ – walk within arms reach or earshot in case a patron needs anything. Our waiter dropped off our food and later brought us our bill. He did take our picture outside of the restaurant after we told him that it was our anniversary.

I think we’ll chalk this up to experience. We won’t be going back to The Range. We could have paid a fraction of the price at the grocery store and I could have created a better meal. Elise and I were wondering if perhaps The Range doesn’t have the necessary volume to lower their prices. In our opinions, it’s definitely not the quality of the food that warrants such high prices.

Aside from the taste bud let down, we had a really nice time. El and I enjoyed each others company. As usual, Elise dominated the conversation. I answered when prompted. Typical us. The funniest part of the evening was me listening to my inner voice. I sat directly across the table from Elise, I heard everything that she was talking about but I kept thinking to myself: “Man… she is unbelievably gorgeous.” And no, I didn’t have my whiskey goggles on – I was nursing a single glass of wine. I sat there across from my wife and reveled in how beautiful she is. She’s the most beautiful person in the world to me. I’m extremely lucky to have her. Next time I see Steve and Joanne, I need to give them both a high five and say “Good job!”

We came home after dinner. We drank the champagne that Bob and Evelyn gave us for our wedding. We ate a piece of our wedding cake. After having heard otherwise, we were surprised with how good our cake tasted after being in a cryogenic state for 365 days. I think wrapping it in Saran Wrap, tin foil, Saran Wrap, Saran Wrap, tin foil, Saran Wrap and tin foil helped preserve it. It wasn’t quite as moist, but it was still really good.

We poured a couple more glasses of champagne and Elise sat me down so I could open my present. She bought me A Clockwork Orange on DVD. I’ve been wanting that movie on DVD forever. It’s definitely in my top 5 list of favorite movies. She also gave me a little book that she wrote. It’s a little personal chapbook, bound by wire with a brown cover, black pages and silver handwritten text. On the cover is a collaged silver and white, three tiered wedding cake with white flowers. In it she wrote beautiful things about me and how happy she is. I’m not going to explain in detail because it’s personal and it’s mine.

Before I could even turn the first page, I started crying. I hopped up and went to the bathroom to get some tissue to dry my eyes. I semi-jokingly told Elise to never tell anyone about that. What she wrote for me was extremely meaningful and it brought me to tears. It takes a lot to make me cry – Elise did it though. I don’t know how to explain it, but what she wrote means so much to me. It’s good to know that I’m appreciated.

I then gave Elise her present. We decided that we weren’t going to get each other anything for our anniversary. We always say that and never do it. I decided that I would be a little more practical this time. I bought her a gift certificate to a certain well-known lingerie store. She’s been saying for a while now that she needs/wants new underwear. I figured the gift certificate would be practical and a little elegant. I also got her a card and wrote her a little heartfelt poem. I also had roses sent to her at work on Friday.

All in all – we had a very nice first anniversary. I’m the luckiest guy in the world.