6 miles to Arkansas

Our trip to Oklahoma on Saturday started out on a bad foot. We loaded the Expedition with all of our luggage and all of the accessories that come with a 15-month-old child. If you’ve experienced owning or leasing a late model 15-month-old child, you know the accessories I’m talking about. We’re all set to head out. We’re all loaded up and ready to hit the road. The Expedition won’t start. Dead battery.

I quickly decide to removed the old battery and take the Jeep to get a new battery. The posts on the battery are so corroded that removal by standard means is not an option. Since we were in a hurry, I decided to saw the screws that hold the post clamps to the battery’s posts with my trusty Dremel rotary tool. Sparks flew as I sawed through the metal and grunted masculinely. I then noticed the blaring warning on top of the battery that stated that I shouldn’t make sparks, smoke, cook heroin or reheat unpopped kernels near this particular battery. I ceased sawing and possibly saved myself from a sulfuric acid facial.

Elise called her dad to let him know that we would be running a little late. He suggested we just rent a car from Enterprise as they promote half off specials on the weekends. I thought, “great idea!”

So I drove to Budget Rent A Car because I knew it was nearby. I walked in and said, “Man need minivan. He drive to Oklahoma with family”. And I was given a minivan.

I took the minivan home. We transfered all of the 15-month-old’s accessories to said minivan. This process took a while.

Before we set out again for Oklahoma, Elise called her dad. Elise’s dad asked if I got a good deal on the minivan. Elise asked me how much I paid for the minivan. I said that I paid $300 for the minivan. Elise told her dad what I paid for the minivan. Elise’s dad told her that I paid a lot of money for the minivan. Elise then told me that I paid a lot of money for the minivan. Minivan.

Elise decided to call Enterprise to see if we could get a better deal on a rental. She found out that we could get into a mid-sized sedan for $25 per day. That’s a lot better than $100 per day. So Elise told the Enterprise guy to hold a car for us. We made our way back to Budget to see how late they were open so we could return the minivan. While there, Elise decided to run inside to see if by chance they could offer a similar deal as Enterprise. Luckily they had a car that we could rent. That saved us a lot of time not having to drive to the nearest Enterprise and then return the minivan to Budget.

So we had to transfer the accessories yet again.

Our goal was to leave at 9 a.m. We were finally headed out of Austin at 2 p.m.

We had a great time in Oklahoma. We told our story of travel to family. They sympathized and all wished us well on our way home. Many joked and said, “Don’t make the trip home a 12-hour one!”

We left Elise’s grandma’s house in Oklahoma at 11 a.m. We planned on getting home around 7 p.m.

Yours truly opted to drive the first leg. I took Hwy 8 to 281 and then hit I-40 East headed to Oklahoma City. I watched for signs to Ft. Worth once we got to Oklahoma City. Since I am an advanced male driver, my super manly internal navigation system saved nanoseconds by just looking for the word “Ft.” on the mileage posting signs. I kept us traveling headlong on I-40 at a comfortable cruising speed of 81 mph.

We traveled east. We kept traveling east. Eastern Oklahoma is beautiful county. Not as beautiful as Texas, but beautiful nonetheless. Rolling hills. Big oak trees and tall pines. Lush bermuda and buffalo grass lined the interstate. It was a very nice and peaceful drive. Beautiful country.

“Um. Why did I just see a sign for Little Rock?”

“What?”

“There was a sign back there that said we’re 140 miles from Little Rock”

“There shouldn’t be. We’re on 35 south, right?”

“No. We’re on 40.”

“No we’re not, we’re on 35 south”

“…”

“Ha. ha. Very funny.”

“…”

So I took Elise and Maly on a 200 mile out-of-the-way tour of eastern Oklahoma. We made it 6 miles to the Arkansas border. The “Ft.” that I thought was “Ft. Worth” was actually “Ft. Smith”.

Thankfully we were able to laugh about the detour. I was, however, fired as navigator. We made it home just shy of midnight. What should have been 8 turned into a 13 hour ride home.