January: We were asked to be Godparents. I was inspired to try harder in the kitchen.
February: Elise turned 30. The IRS stuck it to us. I wrote a poem. Tom died.
March: I had a hard time getting sleep. The kitchen was overrun by ants. Elise became a famous caterer. I blacklisted Dell.
April: Elise posted a story on Janicek.com. We met Bill “Here’s Your Sign” Engvall. I made the best pizza. We ate terrible steaks. We went to the prom. I revisited kindergarten. The Baptists were angered.
May: I was constipated. I almost threw up on my Godson.
June: Hartz decided to stop production and sales of its lethal flea and tick drops. I decided to build a deck. I did what EVERY employer should do. I joined a cult.
July: We went to Las Vegas. We went to Cabo.
August: I got us out of a timeshare contract. I almost spent too much on deck furniture. I sold my trusty Shadow on eBay. I did a cooking demostration for a gaggle of chicks.
September: I realized that I don’t know anything about local geology. I decided upon the way of the cow for the afterlife. I went fishing. We saw Journey. I prepped for a hurricane. We had a nice anniversary dinner. Riley ate some more orange Jell-O. I told the Internet that Elise is pregnant.
October: I fired my assistant. We went thuggin’. Elise wrote about Halloween.
November: I lost hearing in one of my ears. I tested for my fourth star. I became a Chef Moz editor. Tapioca balls. We discussed hypnobirthing. We did that Thanksgiving thing.
December: Our baby struck a pose. Camela died. I saw two girls smoking pot on the way to high school. There was a lot of pirate treasure. I found a name for my band. I decided to go for my third degree black belt. I pissed off some pregnant women. We did that Christmas thing.