Elise and I had a great night alone last night. I came home from work and started working on the Christmas newsletter. Elise got home from work shortly thereafter. She came into the office, sat on my lap and told me about her day. She told me a pretty scary story about how yesterday, during broad daylight, someone broke into our friend, Bill’s house – while he was home! Luckily nobody was hurt and nothing was taken but I’m sure Bill and Andrea didn’t sleep a wink last night.
We watched the season finale of NBC’s reality show Average Joe. After a disappointing ending, Elise and I started talking about our relationship and how it all started. Elise told me how I looked like I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down but at least I had my sense of humor going for me. I’m Joshin’. She pretty much told me how great I was to her. That made me feel good.
We laughed and got all mushy as we reminisced on our first days together as a couple. I’ve always been the shy, timid type around girls. On our first date, it took me hours before I could muster enough courage to give Elise a kiss. Elise reminded me of when we were standing on the balcony of my one-bedroom apartment and it began to gently rain. That was when I should have first kissed her. I know this now because that is what Elise said I should have done.
We were talking and taking this romantic walk together down memory lane when all of the sudden we got into a mild debate, which escalated into something that made us go to bed mad. It’s like the whole night was a waste for both of us.
I woke up this morning and it wasn’t until I was getting into the shower that I remembered the events of last night. I was pissed off again – really frustrated. I’ve been frustrated and upset all day. I’ve gnawed off all of my fingernails.
So this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to leave for Tae Kwon Do tonight. I’m going to hit a deer on Southwest Parkway while riding the trusty Shadow and this will render me an invalid. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston will separate because word will leak of Jennifer’s love triangle with Rosie O’donnell and Bob Saget. Brad Pitt will fly to Austin to be in a movie directed by Robert Rodriguez and co-starring Sandra Bullock. El Arroyo will cater a lunch for the cast and crew. Elise will be there as catering director. She will tell Brad Pitt a joke and they will fall madly in love. Elise will move out to Los Angeles with Brad and live a beautiful, movie star life. I will be stuck in a hospital bed, in traction with pins in my legs. John will feel sorry for me so he’ll buy me a one year subscription to Maxim. That’s what I’ll have. All because I didn’t kiss my wife and tell her that I loved her this morning before I went to work. I always kiss Elise and tell her that I love her every morning.